Just a little entertainment

Our Total Money Makeover

2011-12-16T16:21:00.001-07:00

A few months ago, one of Brennan's co-workers gave him a book, Dave Ramsey's The Total Money Makeover. I'm not terribly fond of this co-worker for many reasons and one of them (though, just one) is how much he would talk to Brennan about how much more financially secure they are than us. In my pride, I just didn't like being told by a born-into-money, two-income with no children family, how he was so much better off he was. No duh.

But after a bit of a heated conversation about finances with the hubby, I thought I'd might as well look like I'm trying. So I picked it up and started reading.

And it changed all of my thoughts about money.

Here's the thing. There is nothing in this book that is earth-shattering. It's all practical knowledge and things you've all heard of before--have an emergency fund, pay off your debt, save for retirement, save for your children's education, invest...etc. But, if you're anything like me, you have no idea how and in what order you should do these things. Should you use excess income to pay off debt, save for retirement, invest, or what? There are so many "shoulds" with money that it's hard to know what to do.

So Dave hands it to you, one baby step at a time. Begin with a baby emergency fund, pay off your debt (except the house), fully fund your emergency fund, save for retirement, save for your child's education, pay off the house, and then make your money grow so you can give, spend, and invest. In a nutshell, it's everything the Brethren teach us about what to do with our money. Dave just gives you the order.

I have been in a little bit of denial about our finances and our debt. I took out student loans to go to school and assured myself that it was "good" debt. Dave helped me to see that the only "good" debt is the kind that you're not in.

In all fairness, the Brethren have mentioned that we should not go into debt with the exception (if necessary) of schooling, a modest home, and the first modest car. No new car payments, no credit cards, and no fancy furniture or whatever, but those things were on the "okay" list. And so I justified that it was worth it and really, I'm glad I got the education I did. I could have (and should have) been smarter with my money and started saving at a younger age, but I likely still would have been short. So I should have been more creative. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. As Dave says, don't beat yourself up over it, just move on and make it better.

After marrying my lovely accountant of a husband, I wised up to some of the issues I had created by coming into a marriage with student loan debt. It made us both very uncomfortable. The biggest mistake we made then and there was to start attacking each other rather than attacking the problem. Brennan felt I had been irresponsible with money and I felt that he wasn't being sympathetic my family money situation. And so we made a little bit of headway financially but still spent far more of our energy on each other rather than on the loan. In short, this caused a bit of marital stress :)

As the years continued we tried to get by as best as we could without taking out any more student loans and making payments here and there while they were in deferment. And then we got pregnant and despite my best efforts, I just couldn't keep up/get ahead with school and work 30-40 hours a week. Bed rest toward the end of my pregnancy and then the c-section put an even bigger damper on my good intentions to work more hours and get ahead in school. So we took out another student loan to pay for Brennan's tuition and to make up for the lack of income during this hard time. And so the student loan problem grew.

Fast forward to about a month ago. We were a little ahead on student loan payments but no savings. In playing the great "exchange rate" game, we were (and still are) losing money every time we transferred money from our Canadian bank account to the US to pay the student loans. Fortunately for Canadian manufacturers, and unfortunately for us, the Canadian dollar doesn't look like it will be rising again any time soon. We realized that we needed to pay off those student loans as fast as humanly possible. We needed to, as Dave puts it, become "gazelle intense" in paying off our debt. This meant some pretty significant sacrifices for our family. We weren't living lavishly by any stretch of the imagination, but we realized that we could scale back here and there, and all together, the little things would make a big difference.

Here are some of the things that we are working on and that seem to really be helping our family:

The baby emergency fund: It's not much, but our baby emergency fund means that we won't have to put any unforeseen small emergency on a credit card and therefore, go even farther into debt.
A variable budget: In the past, whenever we would sit down and make a budget, we would try to make one budget that would work for every month. But, let's face it, December was not like June, and June was not like October. There are expenses that come and go and therefore, a budget needs to be flexible. For example, we knew we needed to spend a bit of money this last month baby proofing the house, but now that we've spent the $30 necessary to do that, we won't have to plan for it again next month. Now, we sit down before every pay day and talk about our upcoming expenses and plan accordingly. This has been essential, especially since we have to plan about 2-3 weeks for a money transfer from Canada to the US to be completed.
Envelope system: Instead of using our debit card, we started an envelope system. Anything that can be paid for in cash, is. I even keep a 3"x5" card inside each envelope to write down what, where, and how much I spent from each envelope.
Evaluate what's important: I really love to try new recipes and especially since trying to eat more vegetarian meals, I've found that gets a little pricey. It's not that vegetarian is pricey in and of itself, but making 7 very different recipes in a week often resulted in unused produce going bad and needing to be thrown away and a whole host of various dry ingredients that were only getting partially used. So I started to make a menu calendar, take inventory of what is in our pantry/freezer/refrigerator, and started making meals that used more of the same ingredients. I had to step back and ask what was really important to me. Was it that we ate many different kinds of meals or that we ate a well-balanced and healthy diet? I finally realized that I could still have the latter without the former. I've also been itching for a new computer (this thing seriously hits somewhere around "prehistoric" and "death bed" in the computer world), but it still runs. So, we'll live with it as long as it decides to keep kicking. It's been a little hard around Christmas time knowing that we won't be doing much as far as Christmas gifts are concerned, but we know that we're at a time in life when that's okay. Hyrum won't care that he's getting bean bags and a homemade teddy bear and we know that we can show love for one another and our families through time, service, and encouraging words as well as through gifts.
Find free ways to have fun: We may have to wait longer for a movie through our local library, but it's definitely a lot cheaper. Instead of going for family dates out to lunch, we have been working to find ways to have free fun--a walk in the park, watching a movie together, talking, playing, etc.
Eating in: Since moving to Calgary, we haven't eaten out very frequently because it's so expensive and because I'm home a lot more to cook. But a pizza on Friday night here and lunch with a buddy from work there still adds up. We just don't eat out anymore. That means that I have to be pretty vigilant about starting supper early so as to avoid a last-minute meal emergency but so far, so good.
Thrifting: Instead of heading to Walmart to check out the price of something that we want or need, I've been a lot more diligent about looking for second-hand products. There are some things that we obviously wouldn't buy used (i.e. a car seat) for safety reasons, but other than that, having something that has been on adventures with other people helps to cut costs, reduce waste, and save energy.
Throw any and every unneeded dollar at paying off debt: Now, instead of thinking how much fun it would be to do this or have that, I think of how amazing it will be when we owe NO ONE. I'm pretty sure that's going to feel a heck of a lot better than having a fancy schmancy car, a new movie, or just about anything.

Our Total Money Makeover has changed my entire outlook about money. I used to look at others with their houses, nice cars, and fancy furniture with some envy. Now I realize that with some exceptions, they look good but they're just as broke, if not more broke, than we are. I like what Dave says about "keeping up wit the Joneses." The Joneses are broke, so stop trying to keep up.

It's also helped me to look at even "smart" debt with some perspective. For example, I used to always think that renting was such a waste of money and that it was much smarter to have a mortgage on a home because then it was an investment. Now I really want to pay cash--yes, cash--someday for our first home because while renting may be throwing away money, so is paying interest. It may take us longer to get into a home, but we'll own a home just as, if not sooner, than if we took out a mortgage. (Note: I'm not going to suggest that anyone NOT take out a mortgage. First of all, I'm obviously not a money expert. Also, a sizable down payment and a 15 year mortgage are still on the "smart" list according to Dave). I want our home to be a blessing in our lives rather than the curse that we've seen too many Americans currently facing.

How about you? Do you have some great ideas on how to save money, make a budget, or overall be a good steward with your money? There's a little lady here would would love to hear your suggestions!

The Craft Junkie Update #1

2011-12-13T21:43:00.000-07:00

Well my friends, I have actually been making some headway in the craft world. Here are a couple of things I've finished these past couple of weeks

Painting our entertainment center.

Now this was an undertaking. When we got married, a family in our ward was giving away this monster of an entertainment center. It's solid oak and therefore a beast to move and yet we've always moved it. So many broken backs, so many flights of stairs... In any case, I wasn't a huge fan of the finish on it. It was definitely showing its age.

So, I decided to paint it! I chose to go with black since our walls are yellow (and therefore quite bright) and our couches are red and black.

Here's the thing though...I did NOT want to sand this huge hunk of a piece of furniture. It really wasn't worth it to me. I explained my desires to the nice man behind the counter at Home Depot and he directed me to a primer that will paint over the existing finish: Kilz 2

And so I attacked it!

An now I had a white entertainment center.

And then I painted it black.

It doesn't look perfect but at least it works, right?

And yes, our TV is about 15 years old. But again, it works, right?

Photo Canvases

I found this project on Pinterest and thought it looked like a great way to display some of our wedding photos. Three years later and I'm finally getting around to hanging some of those.

I did everything as directed but chose to stipple the top layer of Mod Podge.

There are very few pictures that I actually like from our wedding day so choosing which photos was fairly easy.

Here's our little wall display!

I think I'm actually going to do this for a Christmas present for the grandparents. It was a really easy and fairly inexpensive project and the best part is that it's quick!. You can work on a few at a time and they're done within a couple of hours.

Mr. Knitted Teddy Bear

I saw this pattern in a Debbie Bliss pattern book my mom owns and fell in love with this cutie. Only problem is that the yarn is kind of on the expensive side. You could probably make it with a lower quality yarn but Debbie Bliss Baby Cashmerino is soooooo soft and cuddly. I just couldn't resist making it for Hyrum for Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Hyrum! (Don't Peak!)

Overall, it was a pretty easy project but I wish there were better instructions on how to sew the body parts together. Long story short, his legs and arms look a little limp and awkward. Oh well, Hyrum should hopefully still like him.

Smiley Stripes Hat

I absolutely love Sirdar baby yarns. They're so cute, so soft, and have radiant colour. I fell in love with Smiley Stripes and chose to make Hyrum an ear flap hat to combat the freezing temperatures. Of course, Hyrum won't sit still long enough to get a good shot, but, well, I tried.

These four plus the Advent Calendar (not much to look at...) makes five projects done these past few weeks. Wahoo!

The wedding ring

2011-12-08T10:47:00.001-07:00

I was looking at my wedding ring today and I thought about all of the things that it symbolized to me. The normal thoughts of commitment, love, excitement, and the prospect of a happy life together were of course in the mix. And then there were thoughts of why I have my particular wedding ring and I realized that it symbolizes even more to me. It symbolizes our quest to live within our means, to give without grandiose expectations, and to live practical lives.

I think most single girls think about what they want their engagement ring to look like. How big, how small, how ornate, how simple, etc and I was no different. Here were some of the things that were really important to me:

I wanted my ring to be a gift. I know the current fashion is to have to-be-engaged couples to go together to look at engagement rings and I think that's totally fine. But I really did want the old-fashioned surprise. I knew the kinds of things I liked (and of course, Brennan wanted to know) but I didn't want to be the one to actually pick it out.
I wanted it to be affordable. Maybe if I had gotten married later in life I would have enjoyed a larger ring, but we were getting married in college and both of us were paying for college without financial help from our parents. I told Brennan up front that I didn't want him to even think about financing a ring. First of all, it wasn't on the list of things that the Brethren have deemed as something it was okay to go into debt for. I also, quite frankly, didn't want to get into a marriage with a ring that wasn't really mine. You know?
I didn't want pokies. Maybe this part is gross, but I'd heard stories of moms changing poopy diapers and getting poo in the prongs, or scratching their kid's head when they went to pick them up, and guy after guy told me they didn't like how their wife's ring poked them when they held hands. I really like hand holding so I didn't want to attack my husband every time he reached to grab mine.
I liked yellow gold. I know white gold is more in style, but I really liked the classic look of yellow gold and being a red head, white gold and I don't suit each other very well. It just washes me out. Plus, I absolutely love how the contrast of yellow gold makes a diamond stand out and shimmer. I just love shimmering!
I wanted something practical. Something that I didn't have to take off every time I showered, went to bed, or whatever. Ease, please.

And so, my sweetheart went on a quest for a ring. And this is what he got:

And I absolutely love it. He did a good job, didn't he? Nearly four years later and I'm still in love with this sweet, precious gift from the man I love more than anything in the world. Thanks sweetie!

The Craft Junkie

2011-11-19T10:15:00.001-07:00

My mother has this problem. Well, at least I think it's a problem but she might not agree. She collects sewing and knitting projects like nobody's business. The woman seriously has crates upon crates of knitting patterns, yarn, sewing patterns, and fabric with intentions of becoming something they'll never have the chance to become. You see, there are enough projects to keep her busy until she's at least 114. The biggest problem isn't even that she has so many projects in the line-up, but that she continues to accumulate more and more project materials as the years move on. At this rate, she'll be keeping her posterity busy for the next 274 years. No joke. I've always thought this was a bit of an issue and then...

I became my mother.

You see, I have started down the same road of good intentions gone awry. I have far too many projects...and I keep accumulating. Ahhhhh! What happened to me!? I'll tell you one thing, Pinterest was not a good addiction to add to the mix. So, well, I need to do something about this. I've decided to go on a bit of a crafting rampage if for no other reason than to clear up some storage space in our house.

In reality, I have this problem in a lot of areas of my life. I have a bookshelf full of unread books, boxes full of unlearned music, and a Wii Fit that sits mostly unused.

And so I have issued myself a challenge. 42 craft/DIY projects in 80 weeks. Holy smokes! That is way too much stuff to get done. Here's the biggest part of the challenge--no purchasing new materials until I've finished the projects I currently have. These are projects that I have all of the materials for and are just sitting around and collecting dust. As you look through this please don't judge me. I obviously have a bit of a problem and the thought of how much money I've spent on these materials over the years makes me want to roll up into a ball and rock myself in a corner. Seriously...

Well, here goes:

Paint entertainment centre
Photo canvas
Envelope advent calendar
Grow-n-up Giraffe
Hyrum's name wood blocks
Brown wool coat
White beret
Baby vest
Baby sleep sack
All-in-one cloth diapers (blue polka dots, orange polka dots, trains, Oh Canada!)
Diaper wet bag (orange polka dot, red/yellow checkers)
Ring sling in beige
Ring sling in blue
Wrist warmers
leg warmers
Polka dot skirt
blue tie skirt
yellow ruffle skirt
Green Christmas dress
Red/beige stripped baby sweater
Blue/beige stripped baby sweater
Green/beige stripped baby sweater
Red baby sweater
Green baby sweater
curtains (blue and yellow)
table cloth (olive green swirl)
anniversary cross-stitch
bride cross stitch
wool diaper covers (green, blue, red)
Pink sweater for Baby Jane Miner
Smiley stripes baby hat
Tuque for Brennan
Blue waistcoat
blue baby blanket with white trim
orange baby girl sweater
I can do it! Quiet book
Alphabet book

As I evaluate this list, I realize that one of my biggest problems is clothing--I buy the materials hoping that I'll be skinnier and then make them. Well, I'm not getting skinny fast enough and I'm accumulating projects too quickly. For those items I just plan on making them a size down from where I am when I get to that project. I also got a TON of yarn to knit baby sweaters thinking I'd have all this time when I was a stay-at-home mom. Yeah right! Little did I know that between getting the kiddo to take a nap and feeding him, not to mention keeping the house clean and hitting the refresh button on Pinterest all day, I'd have plenty to keep me busy.

Well, here goes. I'm planning to keep a running list on the side of the blog so I can cross them off as I finish them and I'll definitely post pictures along the way. Happy crafting to all and to all a good night.

Dr. appointment

2011-10-31T22:54:00.000-06:00

I need to set up Hyrum's 9-month appointment. It would be fitting considering he's coming up for his 10-month birthday in the next week and a half. Ooops. I used to really look forward to our doctor appointments. I liked hearing the doctor say that my little guy was growing exceptionally well. I liked the assurance that everything was okay. And I liked having someone knowledgeable to talk to about my baby's growth and development.

But now I feel a lot more comfortable with my ability to know my child and I don't feel as much of a need to go to the doctor to have them tell me everything is all right. That, or I just don't like waiting in the waiting room. One or the other.

Since moving to Canada, I haven't had a ton of experience with the health care system, seeing as we're all pretty healthy. However, with a kiddo, you're going to see the inside of a doctor's office at least once in a while and we've had a few appointments here, even one hospital visit after Hyrum fell and got a good ol' scrape on his head. Through my limited experience I've realized there are things I like, and things I dislike, about the Alberta health care system. While I know my experience is limited, I think it's the experience of the majority (both in Canada and the US)--the occasional doctor's appointment with most health care decisions being made on the personal level.

Here are things I haven't loved:

Finding a family doctor: Calgary has increased in population remarkably quickly due to the discovery of oil in Alberta. The population has increased so quickly that there is currently a shortage of doctors here and therefore, finding a family doctor was a bit of a challenge.
Referrals: You have to have a family doctor here to get a referral for any other health care services including an ob/gyn, paediatrician, etc. I know this is similar to many PPO programs in the States so I don't think it's necessarily a unique flaw or anything, just a little frustrating. I had planned on just forgoing the family doctor but then was told that I would need one to be referred to a midwife when we have our next baby. See point above.
Setting: This one is really silly but I just don't like the waiting rooms. You know how waiting rooms in many of the doctor's offices in the States are comfy, brightly lit, and usually don some aquarium, TV, etc? Yeah, not so much the case here. The waiting rooms in the hospitals are like that but not in the general practice doctors offices. It's just chairs in rows. It's functional, just not pretty, and really not very important.

Things I have loved:

Doctors are doctors: I find that doctors here are much better about delivering medical advice rather than personal advice and I, personally, appreciate that. Our doctors in the States were known to give us parenting advice, personal advice, and even sexual positioning advice while I was pregnant. Yeah, not really needed, thank you. I find that because of this, doctors here are much more professional and I really appreciate that.
Cost: I know it gets paid for with our taxes (which are actually only marginally higher than our taxes in Utah...seriously) but I really appreciate that I'm not held back from going to the doctor because of cost. When Hyrum bonked his head, I didn't even have to think twice about taking him to the hospital. The health link nurse suggested it, so I took him. End of story. It didn't cost me $250 to have the doctor tell me that everything was all right and I really appreciated that.
Health Link nurses: Once upon a time I was having a potential medical emergency and due to the cost of going to the ER, I decided to call the hospital nurse to see if I needed to be seen or not. Well, they couldn't tell me over the phone if I needed to be seen or not because they cannot be held responsible for phone consultations (because of the fact that hospitals, your health care provider, and insurance all operate separately). Because the health care system is run by the state here, if I have a question, I need only to ask it, any time, any day. What mom wouldn't appreciate that sort of assurance?
Assurance: I know that as long as we live here, we have health coverage. No budget cuts at my husband's work could possibly land us without insurance. No health insurance can refuse us due to a pre-existing condition. If we stay here for many years, our college-aged children will not be without insurance. When I was at Western Washington University, I was without health care due to the fact that my parents weren't paying for my college education and at the time the laws did not require my father's company to keep me covered. As such, one trip to the ER for a couple of stitches and I was remarkably broke and in financial turmoil for the duration of that school year.

Now, I know that everyone out there has different thoughts about health care in the US and most people claim that Canadians hate their health care as a reason to not adopt such a program in the US. Well my friends, at least in my experience talking to people here, most Canadians see that the health care system isn't perfect, but they don't hate it. In fact, I've heard very few complaints. Most people seem to appreciate it. Want to know who has talked to me specifically about how much they like it? A paediatric doctor. For all of the talk about doctors being hurt by universal health care, he certainly didn't seem to think so. He ranted and raved about how the US should adopt such a program. Doesn't sound like he's hurting much to me. Then again, he's probably not getting filthy rich, but he appreciates that people (especially children) are able to get the help and the care they need, no matter the financial cost.

How do I feel? I'm still not 100% sure. I do miss being able to be a bit more choosey about my doctor and I miss the fish aquariums but I'm not sure that I miss them enough to say that I think privatized health care is better. From one American to another, it really isn't as bad as the dooms-dayers say it is. Just sayin'.

The apartment dilemma

2011-10-27T13:20:00.002-06:00

I absolutely adore our apartment. It has three small bedrooms with a large kitchen, dishwasher, private washer and dryer, private fenced yard, and in a great part of town. I seriously love it. Except for two things...the flooring and the shower.

The shower isn't a huge issue but I'm not the biggest fan. We only have a shower unit which, for adults, is totally fine (though I do miss the ability to take a relaxing bath from time to time). But now that Hyrum is outgrowing the baby bath we've got an issue. We could just shower with him but the unit is quite small so I don't feel very comfortable with that. So we've resorted to a large Rubbermaid container to act as a bathtub. Not ideal, but it works.

The floor is actually the biggest problem. The bedrooms all have carpet. However, the main living area (kitchen, living room, entry way, and bathroom) have etched concrete. Ouch! I thought the biggest issue was going to be Hyrum bonking his head, and that's definitely been a problem. However, I figured that would be short-lived and that once he was steady on his feet, the problem would mostly subside (not to mention, deter running in the house!) But, here's the real issue--it's killing our feet! My feet and knees have been in constant pain for the last 4-5 months and after spending a long weekend at home, Brennan voiced the same complaints. Now, if it was just the two of us, I could probably live with that, especially since we'd both be working and only home in the evenings and therefore spending less time on the ouchy floor. But, we've got a baby, and since Hyrum is learning how to walk, I can't bear the thought of him having foot, ankle, knee, hip, you-name-it, problems because of this floor. I don't want him walking around like a 80-year-old man at 18 months old. And thus the dilemma--what to do?!

My first thought was to find some sort of temporary fix to the floor. Costco sells these industrial-strength foam tiles so I thought that we could just get enough of those to cover the floor but that's going to get pricey. They cost $14 for eight 2'x2' tiles. A floor this large would need at least 20 packs to cover the whole floor. I thought about just placing them in the kitchen and living room but then we've got a major tripping hazard (not to mention the fact that they'll shift all over the place). The other issue is cleaning. You can't really mop or vacuum foam tiles so I would have the lovely task of spot cleaning the blasted things every time they see dirt. The next thought was to do the foam tiles with carpet over top which would solve the cleaning issue but the other issues would remain (and add cost).

Our next thought was to talk to the landlords about it. I guess the people who lived here prior to us had a similar problem--babies and hurting backs. So, maybe we could convince them it's a worthy investment. But, I'm guessing it would cost them upwards of $1000 to fix the floor. That's probably not at the top of their concerns right now. I could check, but then I have to start that conversation and I just don't like being even semi-confrontational.

And then we could always move. We don't really need three bedrooms, it's just been really nice. However, we're getting steal of a deal here since we have private laundry and pay no utilities for $1000 a month (and usually it's even less since I babysit the landlord's son in exchange for rent reduction). I've been scoping some things out online and we could downgrade to a one-bedroom apartment (there are some financial benefits to co-sleeping!) but that might get a little tight all-around. So now what? I don't really know. Anyone want to come and solve my flooring issue so we can stay in our super cute apartment?

And the diet winner is...

2011-10-19T23:58:00.001-06:00

Weight Watchers! I've had a love-hate relationship with WW for a number of years. During the last year of my undergrad I subscribed to WW Online. Maybe I was a little obsessive about tracking my food but let me tell you what--it worked. I lost around 20 pounds in 4 months. I seriously had never looked better in my adult life. I felt great about myself, mostly because I knew I had the control to change. And then one "weekend-o-fun" with the hubby and I became quite lackadaisical in my tracking and slowly gained the weight back. Graduate school and pregnancy added quite a few more pounds to my frame. Drats. I subscribed to WW Online again a number of times but had a really hard time feeling motivated to follow it. But I think I'm there now. I've made a number of other changes in my diet that make living WW a little easier and I feel like I'm overall healthier in my nutritional habits than I've ever been before, even if my frame doesn't yet reflect that.

Along with WW, I've considered a few other lifestyle/food changes. I toyed with the idea of veganism and strict vegetarianism for a while because I think people living these lifestyles are often very healthy (and, as my hubby points out, I'm a bit of a non-committal trend follower). However, I promised the hubby when we got married that I would never become a vegetarian (this was a part of my life pre-marriage that he just didn't want to visit). I mulled over it and after a good conversation with another health and vegetable-enthusiast in my ward, I realized that the only place I needed to look for food choices in my life is the scriptures. The Word of Wisdom clearly explains that we should eat grains, fruits and vegetables, and meat sparingly (in times of winter, of cold, or of famine) and with thanksgiving. In thinking about the Standard American Diet, I think of the drive-thru windows of my childhood, of the processed frozen dinners and all share one thing in common--meat. I'm not going to try to sell vegetarianism here or anything but I've definitely noticed how the current standard way of eating is far from what our Heavenly Father intended for us. In fact, I've thought that maybe if everyone ate the way our Heavenly Father meant us to eat, if we wouldn't have the health problems we have today. In any case, I may be trying to sell my husband on the idea of vegetarianism a little more strongly. But again, like I said in my last post, good news is that I'm the one in control. Mwah ha ha! Only problem is that winter is coming so my argument may come under scrutiny.

Control

2011-10-13T22:41:00.002-06:00

I don't really want to make this one of those blog posts about losing weight but I guess it is probably going to become one. Like many women, I'm not terribly happy with my body the way that it is. I've carried around some extra weight for a number of years now and I just don't like that. I felt this way as long as I can remember. I even recall feeling fat at seven years old. When I was in high school I would do these crazy diets where I would skip meals and eat a snack bag of chips (now that's healthy!) and call that good for the day until supper. At 16 years of age I may have been the youngest subscriber to Prevention magazine because I figured if I could somehow do that "lose 10 pounds in 10 days with this ONE secret," then life would be better.

Nutritionally, my family functioned on Hot Pockets and dollar menus. With seven children running here, there, and everywhere, food was about surviving and filling hungry tummies. Unfortunately I fell into some of the same habits as my family after leaving home. Prepackaged dinners and cold cereal made up most of my meals through college. It wasn't until I married my sweet husband that I realized that food could be something fun, enjoyable, and best of all--homemade! While it's taken me a little while to find enjoyment in cooking healthy, nutritious, and delicious food from home, it's now something that I feel really passionate about.

The other day I was reading a book about clean eating and my first thought was, "Oh, it wouldn't even be possible." See, when I lived at home with my parents, it really wasn't very possible. You eat what they eat or you don't eat, you know? I didn't have the financial means as a teenager to supply all, or even most, of my dietary needs. And so I felt a little trapped and even though I've been away from home for a number of years now, those same feelings of being trapped have continued with me

But, the other day as I was reading and thinking I was struck with an understanding--I can choose! I can choose what goes in my body. I'm the one doing the grocery shopping, I'm the one who makes supper, I'm the one who gets to have control. It's amazing to me how liberating that was. I could stop eating white flour if I wanted! I could douse every meal in butter if I wanted. I have the control! Boy, does that feel good or what?!?

Finish what you start

2011-08-25T20:31:00.003-06:00

I have a tough time with this one. To my knowledge I have one half-made recital dress sitting in my box of fabric, a plethora of other crafts that I had good intentions of making, groceries to make a few new dishes that have gone a little past their "best by" date, about 100 unread books on my bookshelf that I (still) have wonderful plans of reading someday, and one half-done Bachelors of Social Work hanging out at Brigham Young University (thankfully they cancelled that program so I don't even have to figure out if/when/how to finish it). I'm not sure what else there is unfinished out there. Maybe that's my biggest problem.

So this isn't a new realization or anything. However, I got onto this blog today to write my "wahoo! I finally hit 100 posts!" post only to discover that 10 of them were drafts. 10 of them!

I guess that celebratory 100th post will have to come along at some other time. In the meantime, I finally deleted all of those blog posts that were just hanging out without any chance of ever being finished. But at least I finished this one. That's a start.

Styrofoam

2011-08-21T21:43:00.004-06:00

Whenever I tell people I don't like Styrofoam, I believe they think it's for environmental purposes. I mean, some of it definitely is--all of that wrecking the Ozone layer in manufacturing, never biodegrading, and whatnot. But, most of the dislike is actually because, well, Styrofoam terrifies me.

Okay, weird story. When I was about 6 years old, I saw a billboard with a picture of a woman eating a sandwich. Only, it didn't look like a sandwich, it looked like two of those Styrofoam trays that they put hamburger on when you buy it from the grocery store. I imagined this woman taking a big bite of raw hamburger laden Styrofoam. The sound of squeaking Styrofoam, the feel of teeth indenting into the foam, the raw meat juices going down her throat all flashed through my mind. Gross!!!!

Add to this the Jack in the Box Ecoli outbreak in Seattle that was happening at about the same time and you have one little 6 year old who is terrified of raw meat because she thinks she's going to die if she touches it plus one very strange thought of biting into Styrofoam. You can see how this caused a little bit of anxiety.

And thus my fear of Styrofoam continues to this day. Most of the time I play up the earthy girl syndrome but now the secret is out. The stuff just plain terrifies me.

My current trends

2011-08-18T13:07:00.002-06:00

My husband jokingly points to the fact that I tend to follow fads and trends. To a degree, he's dead on. Like, I wanted an ipod, not some pretend phoney of an MP3 player. I wanted the real deal! So when we looked for an MP3 player, I won the war. On a less-materialistic level, I also spent a little bit of time in college as a semi-committed vegetarian. Confession: I maybe joined PETA and Green Peace. Yeah...I like the environment and I like animals but I just couldn't keep it up. I'm a little nutty but I don't think I'm cut out for that kind of commitment.

But here are a few of my current trends:

--eating whole foods: What better time to eat all-natural than during the summer? Produce is fairly cheap, enormously delicious, and I've got some time to invest in preparing and cooking good, wholesome, delicious foods. With the exception of the Nutella and pretzels I love munching on, we've moved pretty much away from processed foods. I call it the redemption for my body after months and months of living off of crappy food at university. I'm hoping my body forgives me sometime soon.

--babywearing: Okay, potentially expensive life coming up. I love carrying Hyrum around with me. Maybe this sounds kookey, but it's kind of addicting. The more he's with me, the more I like him there. And I love a cute baby carrier. Right now I'm borrowing the Beco baby carrier from a neighbor and I absolutely adore the thing. We also have a Moby wrap but Hyrum seems to have outgrown it and we have a pouch sling that I ordered a few weeks ago and use from time to time. I've also acquired some fabric to make a mei tai and a ring sling. They're just so cute! Anyone ever seen an accessory cuter than a baby? Yeah...didn't think so.

--permanent make-up: Okay, I actually haven't done this one yet but a friend of mine told me that she gets her eyelashes dyed and now I really want to do the same. Think about it, no more wearing mascara! I quick 1 hour procedure every 3-4 months and you never have to wear mascara again? I think I need to set up that appointment STAT.

--cloth diapering: is it weird that I think they're kind of cute? And even though it's just something you stick on their bum bums, it's kind of fun to have an identity as a cloth-diapering mama.

--sewing and knitting: I have fallen in love with making things for littles. It's so much fun to sew with cute fabric. Right now on the docket I have a few all-in-one diapers, the aforementioned slings, a sleep sack, a growth chart, an alphabet book, and an activity book. Phew! So much to do and not nearly enough time to do it. I've also been knitting to get ready for the winters here. Brrrrr. Everyone needs sweaters, leg warmers, and wool socks.

Okay, but while I talk about the things I do, here are a few trendy things I don't do. I like looking at what other people do and admiring it but I just can't seem to find the gumption to do it: scrapbook--too messy for me; photography--seems like everyone's doing it these days and I'm just not savvy enough to figure out the editing software; yoga--I wish I was a yoga person. I'm just not really sure how to get into it; elimination communication--infant potty-training. I'm just not brave enough and I'm maybe too lazy for that; eating organic milk and eggs--I WISH we did but when it's $7 for 12 eggs, you've gotta draw the line somewhere.

Do you have any fun "trends" that you're jumping into? I'd love to hear about them!

I want it all

2011-08-11T19:56:00.002-06:00

In college I was a chronic overscheduler. I constantly booked myself to be in multiple places at once, had my goals to exercise, eat healthily, practice 3 hours a day, always get my homework done before returning home, making a gourmet meal for dinner every night, keeping my home spick-and-span, spending quality time with the hubby, fulfilling my church calling. Yeah, you get it. I presume a lot of you have been there too.

I fooled myself into thinking this wouldn't happen when I left school. Truthfully, it hasn't to the same degree. I can't really "overschedule" now because, well, I don't have much of a schedule to my life beyond putting the baby down for naps and making sure he eats something from time to time. But the underlying issue is still there. Here goes.

I want to be that person. The person who is a vegan and constantly makes delicious, healthy food. The person who knows everything about babywearing, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, baby massage, story time, and cloth diapering. The person who makes all of her kids clothes and toys. The person who has a meal schedule to accommodate all of the necessary vitamins and minerals her family needs. A person who goes running, who uses that expensive Wii Fit we bought, who takes the neighbor's dogs for a walk. The person that is well-read, writes inspiring and beautiful blog posts. The person who researches her family history diligently. The person who always reads her scriptures for 30 minutes every day, keeps a scripture journal, whose every prayer is sincere. You know, that person.

Here's what I've discovered. I want to be all of the super cool things that everyone else is. Fact is, I forget that my super-healthy friend doesn't knit her kids' clothes. I forget that the cloth diapering mama doesn't go running every day. I forget that the neighbor who walks her dogs diligently isn't religious. Hmmm....no one else can do everything. But I can, right?!? I mean, that's what I tell myself when I think of something else super cool that I want to do/be.

Do you know that person? If you do, I really, really want to find out his/her secret.

British food

2011-07-28T14:34:00.004-06:00

My mother is English. That almost sounds like a confession. We lived in England when I was a young child and I think I got my fill of fish and chips and shepherd's pie to last me the rest of my life. While that may sound delicious to some of you, imagine a variation on those two items for the majority of your childhood dinners. It gets kind of old pretty fast.

In college I had a roommate who was an Italian major and vegetable enthusiast. She taught me about the brilliant world of flavors and spices. My mouth about exploded with variety. I learned about the wonders of food and could safely say that I would choose vegetables over chocolate. Mmmmm...

Fast-forward to the summer of 2009. I was in BYU Singers and we were headed for a tour of Ireland and the UK. Before leaving a number of people asked me, "Hey Amy, how's the food in England?" My response, "not bad, but bring your spice rack!" Another fellow who served his mission in Ireland commented that the food was delicious. I thought to myself, "either you had amazingly diverse dinners while serving there OR you're in love with your mission (which I totally respect)." I think it was probably the latter.

After our first stop at a restaurant in Ireland, everyone commented on how delicious the food was...Irish stew, Shepherd's pie, steak and potatoes...yumm! But, with every dinner I could tell that the excitement for meat and potatoes was wearing off. By the third week, many people almost wanted to cry in terror when someone mentioned a traditional stew. You see, Irish stew, shepherd's pie and Lancashire hotpots all have three essential ingredients in common--meat, potatoes, and some bland vegetable--and all are minus one key ingredient--spice. The day we were served tacos or grabbed some pizza seemed like the most flavorful moments in history.

Obviously we all survived and made it home to our paprika, oregano, and basil. Spices never looked so amazing before!

But then I checked out a cookbook from the library the other day that includes foods suitable for babies and adults alike. I've made a few recipes and, well, they're kind of boring. However, they have descriptions like, "this delicious, flavorful meal would go well with..." Problem is, there's no flavor.

Then I checked. Sure enough, British authors, British food.

Spirituality and Cyberspace

2011-07-17T11:13:00.004-06:00

I think the Mormon Channel, the I Am a Mormon campaign, and the well-thought, personal blog post about one's spiritual beliefs are wonderful ways to share testimony in this digital age. Truly, no other time has had so many opportunities to declare the message of the Gospel to so many people, so quickly.

But then there are the Tweets, Facebook, and gmail statuses of "Feelin' the Spirit!", "I have now been to the temple," or "Lovin' me some scripture reading" that just leave me feeling a little off-kilter. Or there are the the invitations to "Like" The Book of Mormon, Going to the temple, or The Living Prophet that somehow feel like they are cheapening my testimony. Why do I feel guilty to decline the Facebook invite to read my scriptures?

As I was talking with the hubby about it he commented that, "Well, people post about far less important things." He's right. They do. But maybe that's why it seems so strange. As I scroll through the Facebook news feed and see, "Suzy just laughed so hard that milk sprayed out of her nose" and "I just bought an iphone" next to "has now received the blessings of the temple" I feel remarkably conflicted. One of these things is not like the other. All have been put on the same plane.

When it all comes down to it, I'm not sure if I should chalk it up to the Sadducees praying in the streets or Alma becoming an angel and having the wish of his heart. Either way, please don't judge me if I do, or don't, "Like" Joseph Smith. I'm not really sure he was a social-networking guy anyway.

Oh Canada!

2011-07-01T08:26:00.004-06:00

In honor of our very first Canada Day, I decided to make a post of some of the things we LOVE about living in Canada.

Money: It's colourful! And, since the loonie and the toonie are coins ($1 and $2, respectively), carrying around change is actually worthwhile.

Jobs: Well, they actually have them. The economy in Canada is faring significantly better than in the US so, well, we actually have an income.

Political: Since gay marriage and universal health care are already passed into law, I don't have to listen to debates about them anymore. People have just moved on and accepted the pros and cons of each. It makes conversation much more pleasant. Also, while I'm not going to make this a political post, we might take note that the world hasn't fallen apart from either of these two things.

Tim Hortons: Most delicious doughnuts EVER! Seriously, the doughnuts in the US are super heavy and thick. These are light and fluffy and oh-so-delicious. Good thing we don't go frequently or I would have to do even more walking and biking to find pre-pregnancy Amy.

Chocolate: Overall, the chocolate is so much more delicious. No waxy chocolate bars. Again, don't buy them frequently but when we do, they're that much more delicious.

Hippie Mamas: There are so many of them! Seriously! Many of our friends here also co-sleep and seeing other mamas in the grocery store wearing slings is normal. Cloth diapering is common and I have a new favorite place to spend money--a cloth diapering, babywearing, and Sears library selling store called "Babes in Arms." This is my kind of place.

Recycling: We can do it! There is curbside recycling and tons of recycling centers. The only downside to such a recycling-friendly place is the recycling fee on anything that you drink out of. You can take them to a bottle recycling center to be reimbursed but we're kind of lazy so I find it annoying. But, I guess at least it gets people to recycle. And, getting that money back makes it all worth it.

Accent: Okay, maybe it's just me, but I think the accent here is super cute. It's kind of got a Minnesota-y sound to it with all of its closed vowels. We kind of hope that Hyrum picks it up.

Wildlife: Maybe this is just our neighborhood but we have TONS of squirrels, deer, and bunny rabbits. So, even in the city, you feel like you're in a small country neighbourhood.

Spelling: The "u" and the "e" have re-entered their position in the English language--centre, colour, neighbour, etc. They kinda look cool.

Immigrant isn't a bad word: Maybe this belongs under political but I figured since we're immigrants, it deserved its own mention. Canada loves immigrants! They figure it's more people helping to pay taxes to fix roads and whatnot, so they make it easy to live here. Makes sense to me.

English/French labels: Mostly, I just like to read the French labels and translate them into English. Some of the translations are pretty fantastic. One of my favorite cereals translated to something like, "The flakes made of oatmeal with the little crunchies" and "low-free" translates to "without much fat." If nothing else, my French vocabulary is rebuilding itself.

Political corner

2011-06-14T08:37:00.003-06:00

I should know to just forgo talking about politics on my blog. It really is just going to get me in trouble but here goes.

I would consider myself "pro-life." But, come to think of it, I think most people are "pro-life." No one that I know has the attitude of "let's kill people! I'm anti-life." I also think that most people are "pro-choice." Again, I don't know anyone who thinks that people shouldn't have choices. The real debate here is what choices people believe they should have and that's where things get tough.

Again, I would consider myself to be "pro-life." I would not contemplate an abortion for myself and I wouldn't encourage one of my friends to have an abortion. And yet, I don't think that abortion should be illegal. Here are my reasons:

1) If abortion is illegal there are two choices concerning girls and women who find themselves as victims of rape or incest: we allow abortion as an option in these cases or we don't.

If it were allowed in these cases then the following would likely occur: 1) there would likely be an upsurge in court battles over what is considered rape. I have a feeling that this would lead to some definitions that would be hurtful to both men and women who find themselves in the situation of an unplanned pregnancy. 2) Women and girls who are already traumatized would therefore be forced to relive and rehash in public a very sensitive and hurtful event. 3) Court battles aren't quick. By the time a court were to find a girl or woman the victim of rape or incest, her pregnancy would likely be in the second or even third trimester. I don't know anyone who would think a late-term abortion was a better option than an early-term one.
If these instances were to not be considered appropriate for an abortion, then an innocent victim would be required to pay the consequences for another's wrongful actions.

2) The move to make abortions illegal would likely result in a rise in "dirty abortions." Though it may seem that making abortion illegal would eliminate or significantly reduce the instances of elective abortions in the United States, the trend in other countries throughout the world shows that when they are illegal, the statistics of women who resort to dirty abortions with rusty coat hangers or crook doctors is significantly high. For anyone with a "mother goes down with the ship" attitude, I question why two lives are better than one.

3) Legalized abortion gives women reproductive control. While, again, I do not believe that abortion is the right choice, I feel that the legalization of abortion reduces a man's ability to dominate a woman. I've heard of instances (even at my own high school!) of boys who poked holes in condoms, trying to intentionally impregnate their girlfriends. This attempt to exercise domination over a woman is simply wrong.

I believe that consenting adults who engage in sexual activity and find themselves in the predicament of an unplanned pregnancy should take responsibility for their choices. (Editor's note: the following sentence has been added for clarification). I believe that should be to carry the baby to term and either the couple marries and cares for the child or the mother places the child up for adoption..

My heart does break with story after story of men abandoning their girlfriends after finding out they are pregnant. While it would not be my choice, and I do consider it the wrong choice, I can understand why a girl would feel drawn to the choice of having an abortion in such a circumstance. Both a man and a woman made this decision but the woman is left to suffer the consequences on her own.

In my opinion, we should stop talking about whether or not abortion should be illegal, and start concentrating attention and funding on better education for teens and young adults. Abstinence only education simply does not work. If you review the statistics you'll find that school districts that teach abstinence only sex ed don't have less sexual misconduct, they just have more pregnancies when teens decide to engage anyway. In fact, abstinence only education may just inadvertently promote premarital sexual experimentation because it is "forbidden." Birth control should be available for teens and young adults on a confidential basis. "Taking care of a baby" week should be instituted in high schools. Most importantly, parents should make themselves available to talk to about sexual temptation and about the consequences of such actions.

Sorry, kid

2011-06-06T21:23:00.002-06:00

Before we had our baby, Brennan and I were contemplating possible names. We both had a top boy name and a top girl name but of course, they didn't coincide. Thankfully, I was more attached to my boy name and Brennan was more attached to his girl name, and we both liked all proposed names, so we came to a compromise. If our baby was a boy, I would get to pick and if it was a girl, Brennan would get to pick.

At our first sonogram when they told us that we were having a little boy, I thought, "YES! My name wins!" So, little Isaac it would be.

Here's a little warning: NEVER tell your family what you plan to name your unborn child. I've heard of stories where siblings stole their favorite name. Since none of our siblings are to the point of having children, that wasn't really a concern. However, something always happens. In the case of little Isaac-to-be it was the nickname "Ike." Thank you Grandpa Tomlinson and Dad Isaksen...

My dad's nickname has been "Ike" as long as I can remember. Personally, I think Ikes should be kept with Mikes in candy form. Not a big fan of the name. So, when Grandpa Tomlinson said he was excited to call our baby "Little Ike," I started to get worried. But, Grandpa Tomlinson will be a great-grandfather to little Isaac-to-be, so we figured it wouldn't stick. I don't mind an awful nickname if it doesn't stick.

But then there was my dad... About a week before we had little Isaac-to-be, my dad said, "well, soon I can be 'Big Ike' and my grandson can be 'Little Ike." BIG mistake. That was the final straw for me. No WAY was my kid going to be called Ike.

Brennan and I hit the drawing board again with the names. We really liked Patrick and figured if the kid was born with a crop of red hair like his mama, then there would be no question. You just can't pass up an opportunity like that! Since we were pretty sure this would be the case, we figured it was a done deal. But, in the case that he wasn't a red head, we decided we would go with Brennan's original boy name: Hyrum.

Okay, here was my issue with the name Hyrum--too "Mormony." I didn't want to be one of those crazy families that names their kids Sophronia and Ezra because they were church names. So I hesitated. I told Brennan I didn't want a "Mormony" name while we lived in Utah. But, since we were going to be leaving Utah soon and likely wouldn't make Utah a permanent residence, I decided I was okay with that. I mean, I really like the name Hyrum and I really love all of the stories surrounding Hyrum Smith. Of all of the figures in LDS church history, he's got the least-controversial reputation. He was just a wonderful man and a wonderful brother. We decided Hyrum was a wonderful name for a young man that we hoped would follow in his name-sake's footsteps.

So, remember how I didn't like the "Mormony" part of the name? Yeah, that maybe was a lot better. Now that we live here, no one has even heard of the name Hyrum and always gives us funny looks when we tell them what it is. "Oh, that's an interesting name." I even tried to pull the "it was more popular in the States" card but Brennan told me I should just try to drop it. It's wasn't more popular there, it was just less weird in Utah.

But, we like it anyway. Sorry, kid. We always said we never wanted to give any of our kids "weird" names. Maybe we'll have better luck next time.

Don't wake a sleeping baby

2011-06-05T12:13:00.002-06:00

Right? I mean, the kid frequently takes these awful mini naps and they drive me nuts!!! So, what does he do? Sunday morning he goes down for a nap at about 10:30am. I figure it's gonna be another pathetic nap but, if I'm lucky, he'll sleep until I'm done getting ready for church.

Put him down for a nap, go get ready for church, check on him. His eyes open. He rolls over and goes back to sleep. Hallelujah!

Putt around for a little bit, hear a squawk from the bedroom, check on him, it's about time to go. Brennan looks, his eyes are open! He goes to pick him up and he rolls over and goes to sleep again. Hmmm...

It's time to leave to walk to church. It's about a 45 minute walk. We make sure the diaper bag is packed, we make sure we're totally ready to go, we think we hear a squawk, Brennan goes in, he's still asleep.

Isn't he a little young to be protesting church? I swear he's playing the, "look at me. I'm too sick/tired/lazy to go to church" card.

Dilemma: wake up the sleeping baby to get to church on time or let the kid take his first good nap in about 48 hours. Hmmm.... Nap wins. We're probably going to go to hell for our decision but whatever. Sometimes you just can't win. Sometimes hell will just come sooner if you wake the sleeping baby.

Living the student life...sans the student part

2011-06-04T16:57:00.002-06:00

Just days before Brennan left for Calgary, one of the well-seasoned fellows in his office mentioned that the biggest perk of having a "big boy" job was being able to go to the grocery store and buy anything you want. You've got the money to buy just about anything!

Well, we knew that when we moved to Calgary we'd have to be a little conservative. As much as I wanted that new dining room table (still using a fold-up one) and some more fun baby paraphernalia, they would just have to wait. And that was totally fine with us. We knew that sacrificing now to be able to pay off the student loans from acquiring four degrees would be worth it in the long run. We knew we'd have to be wise in the entertainment and dining out department. But certainly we'd be able to buy chicken and vegetables. But then we moved here and BAH! We feel like we need to take out a mortgage to buy groceries!

We used to be able to go to the store and with a tinsy amount of conservation, could walk away with a cart full of groceries for $70 or less. Now we feel like we're scrimping and saving and if we walk out with less than $100 spent, we feel like we made off pretty dang well. My favorite are the conversations we have in th grocery store. I walk through the dairy aisle and seriously have cravings for cheese. Why cheese?!? Because it's so blasted expensive!!! We continually comment on how expensive it is, Brennan reluctantly says, "we can get some if you want it. We're just going to have to get over the fact that it's expensive here and move on." I, in a very pioneer-ish, self-sacrificing tone say, "No, I can do without it." Same happens in reverse as we eye cottage cheese and sour cream as we continue on our way through the dairy aisle. Blasted cheese! I think about you all the time now.

But, the fun thing is that I feel like I'm finally learning how to be thrifty. Don't get me wrong, we weren't BAD before, but we weren't terribly good either. Here are a few of the fun ways that we have found to save money:

* buying unsliced bread: You can buy a big bag of four unsliced loaves from the Real Canadian Superstore. We just bring it home, individually wrap them, freeze and store! The best part is that you get to slice your own bread!!! It feels like you've just made it homemade (as a side note, I wouldn't mind making my own bread but it's so much cheaper to buy it this way than it is to make it)

* going car-less: Sometimes this makes me feel like a hobo but then I remind myself of the environmental, economic, and health benefit afforded in this choice. Economically, no car = no gas, no insurance, no registration, and no car payment...not to mention repairs and maintenance. We've even considered not getting one at all because we seem to be managing just fine without one.

* bye-bye cheese: Well, we really do buy it from time to time but when we do, we buy it in a slightly bigger block, shred, and freeze. I guess there aren't a TON of health benefits to cheese so that's fine. It's just so tasty...

* significant reduction in eating out: this one is best facilitated with the lack of car. When you can't drive to a restaurant, you're less likely to go. Plus, the few times we do eat out now, it actually feels like a fun treat.

* free entertainment: The library system here is amazing! We used to rent a movie from Red Box or fork out for a Netflix subscription, but now we have this amazing library system with tons of DVDs for a free date night.

* cloth diapers: okay, this was a little bit of an investment upfront but now that the investment is made, the money saving can begin! Thank you for all utilities included so I don't even have to worry about the difference in doing extra loads of laundry.

With all this being said, I think I'm going to miss random strangers offering to buy my ice cream because, "you're a starving student. Let me get that for you." (no, it really has happened!) Now that I'm really living the life of a student, I sure wouldn't mind someone offering to buy my eggs!

Homework before TV

2011-06-03T22:44:00.003-06:00

Was that a rule in your house? I'm actually not positive it was in ours but pretty sure it was. No playing outside and no TV until chores were done and homework was done. Good news is that I usually got my homework done, the chores finished, and still had plenty of time to watch re-runs of Full House.

So why am I so blasted bad at it now?!? Since staying home all day, I'm practically addicted to Facebook and to checking my email. I just want to see if someone said anything to me...anything!!! Maybe I'm just a little socially starved or something. I mean, I do live in a basement in a town where I don't know very many people yet. But, other than my scheduled 1-1.5 hour walk with my upstairs neighbor, I don't have a ton of commitments. Oh yeah, except for cleaning my house and getting supper on the table.

However, when Brennan comes home every night and we talk about our days, I'm often like, "well, I read so-and-so's blog today" or "so-and-so said BLAH on Facebook." Is this really who I've become? So wired that I don't have much reality to talk about at the end of the day? And what does it say that I'm here blogging about it?

In short, I don't think there's anything wrong with Facebook, email, blogging, etc. In fact, I quite enjoy it. BUT! I need to remember the homework rule...get your homework done and then you can play later. I think I'll go celebrate by putting in a load of laundry.

Bad luck?

2011-06-01T21:27:00.002-06:00

Getting a land line has been (nay, still IS) among the 5 most difficult things about moving here. Seriously...as if immigrating to a new country weren't enough, getting a blasted phone line would have to take the cake in the "exercise in futility" category.

Things began about two weeks ago. I called Telus (since they're the ONLY company in Calgary that still does land lines), set a date for the service man to come and boom! We were set to go. We were a little frustrated that they couldn't give us any better of a time frame than "He'll be there between 8am and 5pm on Monday." Thanks. Good thing that's a holiday so we may even want to do something, but whatever.

Service man comes fairly early, which is nice because now we can do other things with our day. Only problem is that he needed access to the phone box, which was in the landlord's garage, and the landlord was out of town. Unable to finish the task, he apologized, completed as much else as he could, and advised me to call Telus and arrange for a follow-up visit once the landlord returned.

Landlord came back about an hour later. Telus guy was gone.

On Wednesday I called Telus and explained the situation. I have no clue what idiot I was talking to that day but he told me there was something he had to check into because we were in a basement apartment and that he would contact me the following day. I was super confused because we already had everything set up, I just needed the service man to come back now that the landlord was home. Whatever. I wait for his call the next day.

Of course, no call comes. I wait until Friday. Still no call. I finally call Telus back and they arrange for someone to come out on Wednesday (today). They ask me what 2 hour time frame would be best. I tell them I'd prefer 8-10am.

I hold off on all my plans from 8-10am today. No one comes. I wait until about noon, call Telus and ask what's up. The lady informs me that the person who booked our appointment made a mistake in processing our request and booked us for an all-day appointment. I explained that I was a little frustrated, seeing as this was my fourth time calling now. She commented, "oh, sounds like you've had some bad luck." My brain says, "Sounds like you guys have lousy customer service." She told me there was nothing she could do but, we certainly would have someone out today before 5pm.

6pm rolls around, no one comes. We get a call around 8pm tonight saying that our service man was unable to make it today but would be here from 8-10am on Sunday morning. That is the very soonest they could make it. Good thing Brennan was the one on the phone because I'm pretty sure if it had been me, I would have told them what would happen on Sunday morning...and it wasn't going to be pretty.

Bad luck? Perhaps.

Isn't that just the way life goes?

2011-05-29T20:08:00.002-06:00

You're in the left lane on the freeway and the right lane is moving but yours is stuck at a stand-still. You change lanes because, obviously, there's something the matter with your lane. After inching your way over, your new lane now halts and your previous lane begins moving.

You're in the grocery store and you bypass all of the checkers until you get to the one who only has one other person. You hop into that line, figuring you've made a good decision and BOOM! The customer in front of you decides to pay in pennies, thus taking 10 minutes to pay for their items.

I mean, really, isn't that how it goes?

As we left church today, we quickly walked to the bus stop. Bus leaves at 4:23pm. We made it there by 4:19pm. We wait for a while and just figure the bus must be running late. It approaches 4:30pm. Nothing to worry about, it's coming. Someone from the ward stops and introduces themselves and asks if we would like a ride home. We decline because we don't have a car seat, just the baby carrier. He asks if we're sure. We assure him that the bus should be coming soon so we'll be fine. We wait... 4:40pm approaches. Still no bus. Oh wait! Bus coming!!.... Darn, out of service. Not our bus. Obviously we missed it or it just didn't come. We have two options: wait for the next one that's supposed to come at 5:07pm (but now we're losing all faith in that route all together) or walk home. It's an estimated 45 minute walk home from church. We've already walked 15 minutes AWAY from church (to get to the bus stop), so we're looking at about an hour walk. Not too bad... Whatever! We decide to do it.

About 10 minutes into the walk, baby starts getting heavy. I mean, I've had him in the baby carrier for about 35 minutes now. We keep going. Hubby offers to switch but I tell him we'll switch when we get a little farther. We get about 25 minutes into the walk and the shoes start to kill. Keep trudging. Hubby again offers to take baby. I decline because after carrying him for almost an hour now, I'm sure I'm drenched beneath the carrier and my vanity prevents me from my own comfort.

An hour later we finally arrive home. Hallelujah! We're like the pioneers! (albeit with paved roads, a definite destination, and semi-comfortable shoes). Now, the question we ask ourselves: if we had stayed, would the bus have come? I'm sure if we'd stayed it wouldn't have come. BUT, since we left, it definitely came. Oh well. Hopefully our leaving enabled the bus to come for someone else.

Crossing the border

2011-05-24T08:45:00.006-06:00

Before embarking on our journey-o-fun, Brennan and I semi-seriously joked that we were worried about a grumpy Canadian government officer not letting us into the country. Little did we know we didn't have to worry about getting INTO the country, but OUT of the US.

Troubles started a few months ago. Our immigration lawyers asked us to compile all of the needed documents and send them copies of marriage certificates, passports for Brennan and me, birth certificates for all of us, driving records, etc. Well, the main problem with that list is that there was no mention of a passport for Hyrum, just a birth certificate. Since they didn't ask for a copy, we presumed they didn't need one. BAD presumption! About a week before we were to leave, the immigration lawyer asked if we had a copy of Hyrum's passport. Ummm, no, we didn't because the kid didn't have one. They then informed us that we would need one for the baby to fly across the border. Beautiful.

That same day we filled out the application, made a next-day appointment with the passport agent at the post office, and got everything in order to get Hyrum's passport processed. Since it was last minute, we just planned on forking out the expensive fee to expedite it and to ship it FedEx. We figured we'd also sell one of our kidney's on the black market to have the money to do it...just kidding.

When we got to the post office the next day, the passport agent took care of the application and when it came time to pay the expedite fee, she told us it wasn't necessary. We explained that we needed it as quickly as possible so we didn't mind paying it. She assured us that since Hyrum was a baby and therefore didn't need a background check, his passport would come in 2-3 weeks, the same amount of time it would be if we paid to expedite. Who wouldn't want to save an unnecessary $60? We took her word for it and moved on with our plans.

Brennan flew to Calgary on May 6th because his start date was May 9th. Hyrum and I flew to Washington to be with my family until the passport decided to show up. We figured it should get there by about the 13th, the 21st at the latest. So, here we were, hanging out in Washington. When his passport showed no signs of appearing that first week, I decided to call the travel bureau just to check where it was in the processes. After finally reaching a customer service agent, she told us that it would indeed be the normal 4-6 weeks. Bah!

I explained our situation and she told me that we could go to the passport bureau in Seattle, explain the situation, show proof of travel, and they would make sure to expedite our application. I made an appointment for the next day, my dad took the day off of work to drive us down, and we get there with high hopes.

Well, maybe we just got the grumpy, "it's-not-my-job" fellow that day, but when we got to the counter he told us we would have to start Hyrum's passport application all over again because "it's like pulling hairs to retrieve the application." He asked us for Hyrum's passport photos. Of course we didn't have any because the lady at the travel bureau said they would just pull our application. So, off we run to Kinkos, pay for new passport photos, and then run back to the passport bureau.

When we finally get back to the desk, I realize, "uh oh, we need two-parent approval for a minor." Again, because we thought he was just going to pull the application, we didn't think this would be a problem. I explained to the fellow behind the counter that we did indeed have two-parent approval--it was on the application we submitted the first time. The application that was SUPPOSED to be pulled. I even had a notarized letter giving me permission to travel freely with Hyrum out of the country. Wasn't good enough for him. He sent us away, telling us there was nothing he could do for us. Beautiful again.

I contacted the immigration lawyer's office on the way back to my parent's house. Come to find out, I could drive Hyrum across the border, just not fly him across. The ridiculous part is that Canada wouldn't even have a problem with me flying in on birth certificate, it's the US that does. They won't allow you to fly into Canada without a passport because they won't let you fly back to the US without one. Even though it was a one-way trip, they still won't let you do it. Ugggh!

I finally threw up my hands and decided we would just drive into Canada and fly from a Canadian airport in BC to Calgary. The next morning, I called the airline, reserved a ticket for the afternoon flight from Abbottsford to Calgary, and my loving Dad drove with us up to the Sumas crossing. We got there with no problems, explained to the border patrol guy that I was applying for a work visa, and got ushered into the border patrol office.

From here on out there wasn't much exciting. We were trying to make a close flight. I think it left about 4 hours after I booked it and it was a 2 hour drive to Abbottsford without the border crossing time. I was a tinsy bit anxious when the border patrol officer who was reviewing my application seemed to be taking forever. One slightly scary moment was when she called for me to come to the counter and all three of us (Dad, Hyrum, and myself) started to walk up. "No! Just Amy." I almost peed my pants. All she wanted to know was where I was born (My British birth certificate was giving her some issues, I guess. Probably couldn't read the nasty handwriting!) Not sure why it was a big deal for my Dad to walk up with me but whatever.

Obtained work visa, drove around Abbottsford frantically trying to find the airport. Dad dropped me off, went to park, I secured a sandwich for our lunch, Dad fed me bites as I tried to hurriedly feed a hungry Hyrum, and we rushed through security (it was a small airport so it didn't take that long). We got on the plane, Hyrum messed his pants right before take-off, had to wait until we were at cruising altitude to change him. Of course he fell asleep as we were taking off so it was a good 30 minutes until diaper change happened. Lucky for me he EXPLODED all over his outfit and car seat. Have you ever tried to change a baby in an airplane bathroom? A ridiculously messy baby!? Bah! is all I have to say.

And there it is, the end of the border crossing story. We made it! Oh, and just like those captions at the end of the historical dramas: Hyrum's passport still has not come to this day.

Parenting blog

2011-05-21T10:53:00.002-06:00

I've noticed that a LOT of my posts recently are about parenting. In efforts to feel like it's okay for me to write about it without boring those of you for whom that's really not your thing, I've started a separate blog about parenting resources, thoughts on parenting, and things that are going on in our lives in regards to parenting. If you're interested, check it out! It's postingaboutparenting.blogspot.com

Driving in Calgary

2011-05-19T12:56:00.003-06:00

One word: NUTS! I understand that when you move to a new place, driving is always a little difficult. You don't know where you're going and whatnot. But we're not talking the normal "unfamiliar territory" confused, we're talking plain insane. To give you a taste, here are a few things you should know about driving in Calgary (should you ever be crazy enough to decide to do it).

1) It's divided into quadrants. So, if you live on 17th Ave, it's not the same 17th Ave throughout the city. So, let's say someone tells you that such and such shopping center is on 17th Ave, you have to be sure you get the quadrant because 17th Ave in the NW does NOT meet up with 17th Ave in the SE. Boo!

2) Along those same lines, Calgary has been divided into individual neighborhoods (or should I say, neighbourhoods?). That makes sense enough...until you realize that some genius though it would be a GREAT idea to name all of the streets within neighborhoods with the same/similar names. So, if you live in Glenmore, you might live on Glenmore Dr. that crosses with Glenmore St. which meets up with Glenmore Ave, Glenmore Terrace, Glenmore Blvd, and Glenmore Rd. Oh, and let's just add in a Glendale Ave to be a little bit more absurd.

3) Turn lanes and "suicide lanes" basically don't exist here. So, if you want to make a left-hand turn without a stoplight, you basically are committing suicide. If you do want to make a left-hand turn at a stoplight, you usually don't have a turn lane. The left-hand lane goes both straight and turns left. This is all fine and dandy unless you want to go straight and you got stuck behind someone trying to turn left. So, why not choose the right lane? Because of the buses, that's why. They stop every few feet. So, take your pick. Get stuck behind the bus or behind someone trying to turn left. Either way it will probably take you 20 minutes to drive 1/2 a mile.

4) The US equivalent of a freeway doesn't really exist within Calgary. Instead, the highways are basically the freeways. Not too bad except the lanes that begin and end every which way. You'd think the middle lane would be a safe choice except lanes often add from the left and drop off on the right. So your middle lane soon becomes the exit lane. Bah! Along with that, the merge lane is basically 2 feet long. Okay, it's really longer than that but seriously, the minute you're on the highway, you're on. No merging time to be had.

5) Last but not least, the circles. In Utah, there were a few on/off ramps that went in a circle but here, basically every single one is a circle ramp. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like that's a lot of wasted concrete. Not to mention the fact that you might turn left to end up going right and vise versa. Maybe it makes sense to people here but for me, if I want to go south I think that I should head south, not head north to head south. Agggh!

I am a Mormon

2011-05-12T00:13:00.000-06:00

Most of you who read this blog probably already know this but I thought I'd share it anyway. I'm a Mormon! While living in Washington state, I had a number of people who would ask me, "Amy, why are you Mormon?" After much contemplation, self-reflection, and decision making, I easily replied, "because it makes me happy." And certainly, it does. There was a time in my life when I chose to investigate different religions as well as live a life without religion. Though I still had friends, family, and many of the other things that I love dearly, I was not completely happy. Something was missing. During this time, I chose to once again attend church meetings and live the commandments of Jesus Christ. Though it was a little hard to change some aspects of my life, I felt happiness, joy, and peace. Since then, I have continued to live the doctrines and teachings of the Mormon church. And I am happy.

What does being a Mormon mean? It means being dedicated to family. It means loving your neighbor. It means accepting faults and working together to become who our Heavenly Father knows we can be. It means forgiving one another and ourselves. It means coming to know our Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ through personal prayer, scripture study, and personal revelation. It means being true and virtuous. Most of all, it means love.

For anyone who would like to know more, please feel free to comment and ask questions. You can also visit mormon.org to learn more about the Church as well as about others who are Mormons.

The number row

2011-05-07T23:37:00.003-06:00

Remember your high school keyboarding class? I wonder if they even teach those anymore. I mean, kids are on computers all the time these days. I almost wonder if they need any help learning how to type now. I seriously became a much better typer after I discovered instant messaging. You've gotta keep up so you learn how to type faster. But now, kids even have keyboards on their cell phones. Did you know I was still typing my papers in high school on a typewriter?!? Granted, it was an electric typewriter, but still! Trying to proof read a paper with only being able to see about 4 words at a time was difficult at best. Bah! I wonder how I even managed. On the flip side, my cursive handwriting got to be pretty awesome because I was the one kid in the class who opted to hand-write my papers instead of type them.

Anyway, I was thinking about how when I was in keyboarding class, I always thought it was super dumb that we had to learn how to type using the numbers across the top row of the keyboard. I mean, there's a 10-key pad and it's much easier to use. But, then I started typing on a laptop and unless you wanna carry around a monster of a computer, they don't have a 10-key pad on them. So, I'm left trying to type numbers on the top row of the keyboard, frequently in the dark, which means I can't see the keys and am left to feel around, hoping I've found the right ones. This wouldn't be such a big deal if it weren't for passwords being represented by circles or stars. Most of my passwords have at least a number or two in them and trying to add the numbers without being able to see the keyboard is definitely a challenge.

And thus we learn that the things which seem entirely ridiculous sometimes have a point. And as much as I thought trigonometry was so remarkably important, ask me if I even remember what sine, cosine, or tangent mean.

No brain

2011-05-02T11:06:00.003-06:00

So, ummm, I'm an idiot. No, seriously. Once upon a time Brennan forgot to get his driver's license renewed and I gave him a hard time about it for months. Guess who learned her lesson? Guess who also let her driver's license expire? Guess who left it so long that she has to go and take the written test for it? Guess who only figured this out approximately ONE WEEK before she's moving, but needs a valid driver's license to get a new one in Canada?

Things I wish I'd known as a brand-new mommy

2011-05-02T09:01:00.003-06:00

To all you veteran moms out there, feel free to chime in! I have a few brand new Mommy friends and I thought I'd share some of the things I wish I'd known.

Quieting crying:
1) the faucet does wonders: One night, after literally hours of crying, I thought, "maybe I'll try running the water" Turned on the shower and BOOM! No more crying!
2) sometimes the kid really does just want to be put down: There were some times when Hyrum would get super fussy and I wouldn't know what to do. After an extended amount of crying I thought, "I'll just put him down for a minute and go collect myself and come back." Put him in the crib and voila! Stopped crying! Obviously this wasn't always the case but it's worth a try.
3) Ditch the rocking chair, get a bouncy ball: Hyrum never seemed to respond to me rocking in the rocking chair if he was fussy but goodness! Bouncing with him on one of those exercise balls calmed him right down.
4) Go outside: The LAST thing you think you want is for your neighbors to hear your crying baby but going outside and getting a little bit of fresh air almost always makes Hyrum (and Mommy and Daddy) calm down.

Getting things done:
1) don't worry if it doesn't happen: The dishes will wait, the laundry will wait, even a shower will wait.
2) take time to recover and veg: You just did a super hard thing! Giving birth is no easy task. Treat it like surgery (well, and at least in my case of having C-section, it really was surgery) and take time to heal. You and your body will thank you.
3) Baby carrier: I LOVE my Moby Wrap. I need to get things done and the baby wants to be held. You can't do everything with a front carrier (I found hand washing dishes to be kind of difficult) but lots of things can be accomplished with one. Other things a baby carrier is great for: bringing in groceries or grocery shopping--for me, I hated leaving Hyrum in his car seat all the time and as for unloading groceries, it's near impossible to do that with a car seat. Baby carrier definitely helped. Also, it helps to prevent flat heads since they're upright instead of in the car seat all the time; church--Hyrum sleeps much better at church in the Moby Wrap than he does in my arms. I think it's because he can hear my heart beat and feels securely snuggled. Seriously, we go from a 45 minute nap to a 1.5 hour one.

And most importantly, do what you feel is right! I was so caught up in doing what other people thought was right that I questioned what I thought was right. You know your baby (and YOU!) the best, so do what you feel comfortable with.

Good luck!

Motherhood

2011-04-28T00:32:00.002-06:00

I love being a mother. There are days when it's hard--days I'm tired, and days when I think about how wonderful it will be to be able to wear a dress without having to worry if I can nurse in it. But every day is wonderful. I wouldn't trade places with a single other soul in the universe. I love being a mother and I love being a mother to my little boy. Every time he smiles at me, giggles at me making silly face, cuddles up close, cries for me to help him, or learns how to do something for the first time, I thank Heavenly Father for such a beautiful blessing. I wish everyone could know this joy.

As I look back over my childhood, I am grateful to my own mother. I'm grateful for her sacrifice, for all of the times she donned worn-out tennis shoes to ensure her children's growing feet were covered, for sacrificing her opportunities for employment and education to raise her growing family, for the sleepless nights she spent with us when we were sick, and for sacrificing even her homeland to keep her family united. I have an incredible mother.

I also had other mothers--young women leaders, primary instructors, and school teachers. These women--some had their own children and some did not--helped me through hard times, helped me to see the beauty inside of me, helped me to reach farther than I thought I could reach. How grateful I am to these mother-figures in my life and how grateful I am/will be for the other mothers in my children's lives.

I hope as Mother's Day approaches that we are able to reflect on those things that make a mother. It is not simply bearing children. It is being an example of righteous living. It is learning how to become as a little child. It is coming to know our Heavenly Father. I pray that God will bless all of the mothers in my life and all of the women that I love who have mothering hearts.

Baby sleep

2011-04-21T06:53:00.003-06:00

I've been thinking a LOT lately about baby sleep. I'm in the middle of reading a book called The No-Cry sleep solution and thus far, really love it. There is a moment in the book when the author stops and says,

"Before you read another page of this book, you must ask yourself a few questions and make a decision. In your heart of hearts, are your baby's wakeful ways and your coping strategies truly upsetting you? Or does the problem lie more in the perceptions of those around you? Let me put it another way. Your baby's sleep habits are only problematic if you feel they are. Today's society leads us to believe that "normal babies" sleep through the night from about two months on; my research indicates that that this is more the exception than the rule...

You must figure out where your problem lies. Is it in your baby's routine, in your management of it, or simply in the minds of others?"

On first reading this I thought, "Lady, are you crazy??? Of course it's a problem! And then I thought for a second, "actually, I really love my night feedings. I love those moments when my baby snuggles up close, holds my little finger, and we just lie together in this very sweet, beautiful moment." Surely there are those nights when I'm ridiculously tired (usually from school work) and would do anything for a good night's sleep. But honestly, most of the time, I'm totally fine.

So then I thought about how a lot of my motivation for getting my baby to "sleep through the night" (which, P.S. did you know the medical definition of that is five straight hours of nighttime sleep? Not the 8-12 we like to think!) really is me feeling like I'm a bad mom because other babies are doing it but mine's not. But really, for the most part, I don't mind that he wakes up. I just mind having to tell people that he wakes up. On further thought, that seems like ridiculous motivation to make it such an important part of my life.

And then it led me to think about why we do a lot of things in life. Really, how often do we do certain things because others expect it of us? And how often do we do them because we want them? And yet, as much as I would like to answer that my motivations are always internally driven, they're obviously not. But feeling like that shouldn't be the case certainly doesn't make the pressure go away.

So, now I have a strengthened resolve to make my actions and decisions in line with what I feel are my personal motivations rather than the motivations of others. This doesn't mean that, in this particular case, I'm not going to work towards a good night's sleep. Just that I really need to evaluate my motives and make my decisions accordingly.

Humble apologies

2011-04-20T23:33:00.001-06:00

A couple days I posted a fairly strong note containing my opinions about Babywise. If you couldn't tell, I had a bad experience with it and, for a myriad of reasons, don't feel it to be the parenting technique for me. However, I did have a very good friend who I hurt because of my remarks and in wonderful conversation with her, I was able to see that I had been a bit on the harsh side.

I really do feel that all mothers are trying to do what is best for their children and really, who am I to judge? I certainly don't know all and my faith tells me that the best thing we can be doing as parents is relying on the Lord to be the #1 guide in our lives.

I worry that I caused the exact same reactions in others that caused me so much distress in me. I really have grown weary of feeling like I need to defend myself concerning how I choose to raise my children. As I've been doing some pondering over the last couple days, I realized a lot of it comes down to my own insecurities. I have my way and I feel like I've made well-researched, heartfelt, spiritually-led choices. I need to give others the same benefit of the doubt.

To all who I may have offended, I apologize. I didn't intend to hurt anyone or to cause any undue stress. In no way do I mean to insinuate that you are a bad mother or that you will now have maladjusted or developmentally stunted children. May we all move forward, working toward what we feel and know to be best. And hopefully, we can be here for one another to add a voice of encouragement rather than degradation.

Personal progress

2011-04-19T22:02:00.002-06:00

A while after we got married, I mentioned to Brennan that I really felt that my spiritual energies were lacking a bit. I felt I had implemented a number of things into my life (prayer, scripture study, temple attendance, etc.) but still felt somewhat "stale" in my spirituality.

As I looked back over my life and thought of the moments when I had felt the Spirit strongest, I remembered my days in the Young Women's program. While obviously they weren't perfect, I really felt that I experienced a great amount of spiritual growth and maturity during those years. I credit a lot of that to the Personal Progress program.

Wanting to experience that growth in spiritual maturity again, I obtained a copy of the Personal Progress handbook. For those who haven't had opportunity to look through it, it's beautiful. I really feel that it encourages sincere thought and thoughtful application of gospel principles. Unfortunately, at the time, life was just ridiculously hectic. I just couldn't be focusing on yet another thing in my life. So, it got put in a drawer where I would occasionally see it and think, "remember when you thought about working through that manual? You should do that!"

In efforts to not simply put it back in the drawer with thoughts of revisiting it, I thought it might be a nice idea to make this a place to share my experiences with it. I hope you're able to check out the manual for yourself. I think it is truly inspired.

I'm maybe treading on dangerous ground...My thoughts on Babywise

2011-04-18T15:39:00.023-06:00

Okay, so I know that for every 1000 moms there are about 1000 different opinions regarding childrearing. If there weren't then there really could be an instruction manual that accompanied the birth of every child. But here is my current (and clearly passive-aggressive) rant about mothering--Babywise

I had a number of friends who ranted and raved about Babywise and about how their little ones were sleeping through the night by 6,7,8 weeks old. Goodness, doesn't that sound amazing?!? Knowing that I would be going back to school immediately following the birth of my son, I was overjoyed at the prospects of having a baby who was scheduled, regular, and who let his mommy sleep. I surely could use that while balancing home life and school life.

So, I bought the book. Actually, I asked for it for Christmas. I read through it in the days leading up to delivery and was a little put-off by the overgeneralized examples but overall figured it sounded like good advice. Feed your baby, try to do it on schedule, and voila! A well-scheduled baby!

And then I had my Hyrum. My sweet, beautiful little boy. Babywise proposes you just work on full feedings for those first 7-10 days and don't even worry about the schedule. Those first few days of nursing my sweet baby were blissful. I didn't have to worry about scheduling him and all I had to do was enjoy him and let him follow his own schedule.

And then we got to day 7. I kept thinking that I should start to schedule him and I tried, but figured I'd be flexible. Every day I had growing anxiety over trying to schedule him and had this feeling like it wasn't the right thing to do. I fretted over knowing if I should respond to his cries when I put him down to go to sleep. I mean, I didn't want him to be spoiled now, did I?!? And really, crying doesn't hurt them, right?

Babywise constantly comes back to comparing two children: Marissa and Chelsea. Marissa's parents have the audacity to respond promptly to her cries and Chelsea's lovingly regiment her. Marissa's parents feed her on demand and Chealsea's feed her on a "flexible" schedule (we should note that "flexible" means 3-3.5 hours unless you're positive your baby is hungry. I challenge any brand new mom to tell me exactly how they know their baby is hungry when they're watching the clock instead of their baby). Marissa is maladjusted while Chelsea is fantastically brilliant and secure.

My favorite example is of a time when it is okay to break the feeding schedule--when on a plane and the baby is crying and it is disturbing the people around you. Not when it's disturbing the baby, not when you have an errand to run, but when you're on an airplane?!? How frequently does that happen anyway? This is the "flexible" schedule.

But my biggest issue with Babywise is that it advocates cryouts at far too young of an age. I hate the idea of crying it out. HATE it. The thought of my sweet baby crying alone in the dark makes me want to cry myself. My personal belief is that our bodies react to our babies crying for a reason. Now, as I say this, I don't feel that the Ferber technique (progressive cry-outs) or others that propose sleep training at an appropriate age (advocated as 4-6 months by just about EVERY pediatrician) are barbaric or a sign of bad parenting. They're just not for me. Babywise suggests allowing your newborn baby to cry for at least 10-15 minutes after you put them down. No, it doesn't hurt them. And yes, they often do put themselves to sleep. But it's not because they've learned to "soothe" themselves, it's because they've learned no one is coming. Again, at an appropriate age this is a perfectly normal parenting technique. Before then, at least in my mind and in the minds of the vast majority of child development specialists, it's teaching children that they can't trust their parents or the rest of the world. That's gotta be a brilliant parenting technique.

Is it any wonder that Ezzo claims that over time Babywise babies cry less? Seems to me that it has nothing to do with them being better adjusted and has everything to do with learning that Mom (nor Dad) is going to respond, so why bother?

At the heart of the Babywise program is a feed/wake/sleep cycle. As a routine, I feel this is perfectly legitimate and is actually a really great idea. But the key word in that last sentence is routine, not schedule (see Baby Whisperer books if you're interested in that). There are numerous accounts of babies who have been hospitalized while on the Babywise program because of dehydration. Failure to thrive seems to be abnormally high and at the very least, many babies have either been involuntarily weened or are underweight. For more information, you can see this investigation proposed by the American Association of Pediatrics as well as an article by the physician who proposed the investigation.

On a less dramatic note, just about any pediatrician will suggest feeding a baby before they cry. Crying means they're too hungry and unlike our adult tummies where we feel some discomfort, baby tummies actually hurt when they're hungry. Not to mention, a lactation consultant told me that one of the reasons babies want to nurse so much in those first few weeks is because their bones are growing so fast that they're in pain. Nursing gives them comfort and actually acts as a pain reliever for them. What parent would knowingly withhold pain relief from their precious little baby? All for the sake of "staying on schedule?"

In farther reaching consequences, research is currently being conducted on the correlation between high jaundice levels at birth and the diagnosis of autism later in childhood. Best way to get rid of jaundice? Nevermind "hunger cues", feed your baby as often as possible.

My personal experience in trying to get a baby on the schedule is one of actually overfeeding. I was working so hard for a full feeding, as Babywise prescribes, that Hyrum was actually eating too much and vomiting all the time. The pediatrician's proposed action? Feed him less, more frequently. The exact opposite of Babywise.

But do you want to know the real reason why I hate Babywise? Because it left me second-guessing my motherly instincts for weeks before I finally remembered some advice from my mom gave me when I told her I was reading a baby sleep book, "Remember Amy, babies don't read books."

After a few weeks I decided to scrap the whole program. Results? Healthy, very happy baby boy who is developmentally advanced (a far cry from the fussy, unintelligent, underweight baby I was going to have, according to Babywise). Does he sleep through the night? No. But we're working on some gentle ways to do that. Do I wish I got more sleep? Of course I do. But, I'm the one who chose to bring a baby in the world and I knew it would alter my life forever. If I can't be okay with him altering my life for now then I've got some major issues ahead. One reviewer had some pretty fitting words regarding parenting and Babywise that I wholeheartedly echo:

I do not say this about many baby books, but this is one I would advice new mothers to steer clear of. This man does not have a medical degree, and the advice in his books is dangerous.

Letting a small baby cry himself/herself to sleep doesn't feel right, does it? I know of several mothers who have sat outside their baby's room crying, while the baby cries alone in the dark. Why do the mothers cry? Because something innate inside a mother urges her to respond to her baby's cries.

Sure, you can easily get a baby to sleep for 7-8 or even 12 hours a night. You can even teach a baby to never cry, simply by never responding to his or her signals. In many orphanages around the world, the babies are eerily quiet. There is little or no crying. Why is that? Because these babies have learned that their cries will not be heard, and have entered "survival mode," conserving energy by passively falling asleep or lying there quietly just waiting for someone to come and help.

Is that what you want for your child? How important is that good nights sleep to you? What is the cost of that sleep? Our babies are small for such a tiny part of our lives. Their basic challenge for the first two years (according to Erik Erikson and other developmental psychologists) is to learn to trust. Trust that mommy will come when he/she needs her.

Also, a thought about breastfeeding. I breastfed my son exclusively (with no solids) until 6 months of age. (This is the current recommendation of the WHO and the medical field as a whole.) I would never have had enough milk for him if it hadn't been for occasional cluster feedings. During times when my milk supply increased, it was necessary to sometimes feed him every hour or two for a few days, before the milk supply increased enough to go back to his usual 3-4 hours between feedings. And breastfeeding a 6-month old (without solids) with no night feedings? Forget it! Those feedings are necessary to keep the milk supply up. I know of several women who have had to introduce solids because their baby started sleeping through the night and their milk supply decreased.

My advice--enjoy your baby. Go with what your heart tells you. Your baby is tiny for such a short time...he won't keep waking up for years and years. Make the most of the time with your baby while he/she is little.

Add these sentiments to those of The Nursing Mother's Companion that adamantly warns against parent-directed feedings and you've got one well-respected source after another that refutes Babywise as a legitimate source for parents.

In short, I'm okay with everyone doing what they feel is right with their children. I know a number of people who who "do" Babywise but alter this or that. That's great! Take the advice you want and leave the rest...but then you're not actually "doing" Babywise.

I would question anyone who relies solely on a series of books that reflect the experiences of two MALE authors (no less, aimed at mothers, not fathers)--with the main author being Ezzo who is an Evangelical minister, not a doctor--rather than their own intuition (the authors of Babywise have a number of books that comprise the "Wise" series and some seem to adamantly follow them). But let's face it, being a new mom is tough and advice sometimes is very needed. My opinion (take it or leave it), read a variety of authors and take what you like, leave what you don't, and not rely solely on the opinions of one team of very controversial writers.

Lest I be entirely misunderstood, I do not think ill of people because they have chosen to implement the Babywise program with their children. I just want to propose an alternative experience to all of the "wise"-mania I've noticed in my new parent-ness. Also, even though I don't agree with it, I don't take issue with parents following the advice. What I DO take issue with is the authors proposing it as the one and only way for a child to 1) fit into a family and 2) be a healthy, well-adjusted child. I know there are plenty of expecting mamas out there who (like I did) eat this stuff up because they've never felt those instinctual urges and therefore wonder if they'll even have them. Know that you will know what to do for your baby, whether it be Babywise or (hopefully) whatever feels natural to you.

And there's the end of my rant...

The things we remember

2011-04-07T12:22:00.003-06:00

Last night I gave my graduate recital and not to brag, but it went pretty dang well. My teacher commented that it was the most beautiful singing she had ever heard from me. It was expressive, I felt beautiful, I made people cry...I felt great about myself. Add that to an overwhelmingly busy semester that I have somehow managed to truck through, along with my stalwart husband, and I tend to think we have a lot to be proud of.

But, I'm pretty sure that's not going to be the thing that I remember about last night. Here's what I'm going to remember--the comment one of my professors made on his Facebook wall about children at recitals. Now, here's what's what. I agree that children at musical events is distracting and that really, they shouldn't be there. But, we had to bring our baby last night. Finding a babysitter has been a living nightmare so we made arrangements for my little sister to watch him during my recital. She is super sweet and really good with Hyrum but we worried that with it being his fussy time of day, she would appreciate it if my mom could come in for reinforcement if needs be. The plan was for her to watch him in a classroom that is unlocked and used as a green room for recitals.

So, we tow Hyrum there, sister meets us, door is locked. All classrooms just happen to be locked. Joy. We decide that keeping him in the hall should be fine and if he gets fussy, she can take him downstairs where we won't hear him. She watches him, everything goes great, not a peep to be heard from my baby the whole time.

There was one other baby at the recital. His parents are in my ward and I so very much appreciated them coming to support me. He made noise once but they took him out right away. I hardly even noticed and didn't care one iota.

But alas, I guess it annoyed him and he just HAD to post on facebook about it. So guess what I remember about last night now?

Hospital charges

2011-03-15T19:38:00.004-06:00

I get a sick thrill of looking through all of the individual charges on my hospital bill. Here are a few of my favorites:

$3.59 per Ibuprofen
$148 for "patient interaction"--the anesthesiologist came to see me the day after Hyrum was born to ask how I was feeling
$233 "recovery per hour"--I seriously lay on a bed in a room for an hour...that's it. Man, that was an expensive nap!
$504 "daily room charge" Just by way of comparison, the luxury hotel where Brennan and I stayed during company visits was about $550 for three nights.

Yup, babies are expensive.

Old ladies

2011-03-14T03:12:00.002-06:00

When we were driving to my postpartum appointment the other day, I mentioned to Brennan that I should ask the doctor something about my menstrual cycle. Brennan's response was, "ummm, but the doctor wouldn't know about that, right? I mean, he just knows about ladies having babies." I assured him that he should know because he was also a gynecologist.

Brennan: "OHHHH! Is that why there would be old ladies in the waiting room at your doctor's appointments?"

Amy: "Yeah, they still have to go for their yearly exams and such."

Brennan: "Phew! I was wondering how and why all of these old ladies were having babies!"

Other women

2011-02-23T02:25:00.004-07:00

Lately I've been touched by the help, influence, support, and care of other women in my life. I've never really been a "girly girl" but especially since having Hyrum I have realized how important it is to me to have a strong network of women in my life. I know my visiting teachers must think I'm super needy but I just can't get enough of them. I really do need that monthly visit to remind me that there are other women out there who care about me and face similar challenges. Here's to the amazing women in my life.

There was a nurse I came to know well and talk with frequently throughout my pregnancy. She always let me know that she was there for me, and continues to remind me that I can call and talk to her specifically any time I need or want. She came to visit me on a couple occasions while I was in the hospital, just to see how I was doing and to offer any assistance. Just today I called her in regards to my experience at my postpartum appointment, so confused about what to do next. She lovingly discussed options with me and helped me to come to some decisions about my body and my care that I felt comfortable with. How grateful I was for her. She has seen me or been there for me in every troubling time throughout my pregnancy and thereafter--when I had all the bleeding in my 1st and 2nd trimesters, when I developed pre-eclampsia, when I was recovering from the delivery, and when I struggled to find what to do in the time between pregnancies. How grateful I am for another woman's experience.

I find this same love and help with my women friends, especially those who are going through the same things as me. How much I have needed them and how much help they have rendered me in times of need. I didn't need them to bring me things or do things for me (though I am so grateful for the times they have!) Mostly I just needed to talk--need to be reminded that it's okay to feel happy, it's okay to feel sad, it's okay to have opinions, it's okay to not have them.

And then there is my mother. How frequently I have called to beg for her advice or simply to share an experience. How often she has been there for me, sacrificed her time to share a connection with me. Why didn't I appreciate this before? Because now I know how she felt raising me. Now I know it wasn't always easy for her either. Because now we're not just mother and daughter, we're women sharing experiences and learning from one another.

There have been so many others--those who come by just to say hi, those who lovingly ask how I'm doing, those who let me cry, those who make me laugh. You know who you are--I wish I could have you by my side forever. But life moves on--that's part of being a woman. We continually move forward, doing what we know is best. God bless the Other Women in my life. You are my angels.

It's been a hard day

2011-02-22T00:54:00.006-07:00

Warning: self-loathing is sure to follow.

As many of you know, I ended up in a c-section during my delivery of my little boy. It was done to ensure his safety and I am so glad he is here safe and sound. I seriously would do anything to help him. I love him so much.

But sometimes it's still hard. Hard to know that I didn't get the experience of giving birth "the natural way". Hard to know that many doctors will try to pressure me to have another one next time we have a baby. Hard to know that will require extra recovery time. Hard to know it could potentially limit the number of children I may be able to have. Hard to know that sometimes I feel like less of a woman because of it.

Yesterday I had my six-week postpartum appointment with the doctor who delivered. I had so many questions about the delivery, about the future, about where to go from here. Sadly, I don't think he even remembered me so out the door went questions about delivery. As for questions about the future, he told me I was a candidate for a VBAC but not a GREAT candidate and that he personally would err on the side of having a repeat C-section. That's fine...I'm not planning on going back to him ever again. He was a fine doctor. I truly believe it was a blessing to have him as my doctor when needing a c-section. I have had an abnormally good recovery, never needed to take a painkiller outside of the normal Motrin, which is wonderful. But we're moving so there's not even that possibility. And, he doesn't remember me. I'd like to have a doctor who remembers me next time. He tells me that he thinks most doctors in Canada will pressure me to have a repeat cesarean and that they will also try to limit me to three children.

That's when the tears begin to well-up. I'm not sure how many children we will have but I always imagined myself with a fairly good-sized number of children taking picnics, playing on the playground, taking up a bench at church, having family home evening together, having noisy but really lovely dinners together... In one moment I felt these thoughts and dreams ripped from me.

Now, I know I am extremely lucky in that I have been able to bear children. I have many friends who struggle with fertility issues and I can't imagine the heartbreak. So there you have it, I'm very lucky. But it still hurts.

After talking with the doctor more he asked me what kind of birth control I was considering. To be really open about this, I had always planned on saying adieu to birth control once we had our first child and just letting the Lord guide it from there. But, then I had a c-section and there really can't be any little bundles of joy for two years, especially if I want the opportunity to have a VBAC. So, something should be chosen to protect that option. He really pushes the depo provera shot. That's fine...I just never considered it. It seems so drastic to me but I know my options are limited if I want to continue to nurse my baby. So we leave the office, not having made a decision, needing to make one in the next few days because of insurance. So confused, so disappointed that I'm in this situation.

Today I also find out some bittersweet news that my good friend's husband just accepted a job in Phoenix. I am SOOOO happy for them. They have been job searching for over a year and finally! something wonderful is before them. But I will miss her dearly. Just another reminder that my life here is coming to a close. We all move on, our lives continue to change.

Then my thoughts move to our upcoming move to Calgary. I am excited to go, but I'm scared. I don't know a SOUL there besides my husband's bosses, and that's probably not going to be the hugest comfort for me. We're moving out of the country so calling to the US is going to be a little more tricky. Then there's the concern about health care...what will it be like there? How will I be taken care of in the birth of my subsequent children? This never concerned me until after I gave birth. Also, will I make friends? Will it come to be like home for me?

Then I stop and realize I'm being irrational, or am I? My husband has a job!!!! And a GOOD job at that. Why am I bemoaning my fate? I am so lucky! and still, it's hard.

I realize I need to calm down and stop worrying and then I remember how far behind I am in school. Two classes, one recital paper, one recital, a final comprehensive exam for my minor, a literature exam and a final oral exam for my major area...that's kind of a lot standing between now and April. I wonder how I'll possibly finish. I wonder if it's worth it. I tell myself it's worth it because of how far I've already made it...I only have one semester of grad school left! I can do this, or can I? I don't know. School is much harder with a baby than I anticipated.

And then I stop, I realize I'm holding my sweet baby in my arms, asleep on my chest. How lucky I am. How fast these moments flee. I hold him tighter, I cry some more. I don't want this moment to end, this moment where I hold him, love him, need him more than he needs me. I am blessed, but I still hurt. It's been a hard day.

Day 7: Your best friend

2011-02-21T19:39:00.003-07:00

Remember in elementary school when you had to choose a best friend and it was totally easy to choose but was constantly in flux? Yesterday it was Suzy, today it's Renee, and tomorrow it's Jackie? Maybe it was just me, but my elementary school self was fairly fickle.

But, I'm proud to say it was easy to choose my best friend and thankfully it doesn't change on a daily basis anymore, because it's my husband! He truly is my best friend in this world. Here are all of his wonderful friend qualities:

1) will let me cry and be self pitying but also reminds me what is most important and challenges me to look at the good side of life.
2) servicable--takes the baby in the morning to play so I can get a little more sleep, washes the dishes, and is a gourmet cook. Yumm!
3) He's always there when I need him
4) He loves me...what could be better in this world?

Day 6: Your day

2011-02-14T16:46:00.010-07:00

I didn't do this post yesterday for two reasons: 1) Sundays are lovely but kind of boring to report. I mean, it would look something like this--get up, go to church, be lazy all day, eat dinner. Yup, boring. And 2) I was too tired last night. So, here's today.

7:30am wake up in recliner. Dang it! I did it again...fell asleep after feeding Hyrum. Eh, whatever.
8:00 Hyrum wakes up. Change bum and feed. Play for a little while. He goes down for a nap.
9:00-10:30 Get ready for the day and find time to wax my eyebrows. That is one chore a long time in coming. Waxed them too small so now I feel awkward
10:30-11:30 Hyrum gets up, feed, play, nap. Hyrum goes to sleep so easily in his crib. I debate cancelling everything for the day because I HATE having to put him in his car seat after I just got him to go down for a proper nap in his crib.
11:30 Debate over, walk down to campus, meet up with Anna who watches Hyrum for a couple hours on Mondays
12:00 warm-up for voice lesson
12:15-1:00 voice lesson. Start worrying that I'll never sing well again. Sing some songs from last semester and everything is okay again.
1:00-1:45 Rehearse with accompanist.
1:45-3:00 talk to friends in the HFAC, walk around. Overall: enjoy company!!
3:00-3:45 walk back home, check mail, warm up some lunch and of course Hyrum wakes up right as I'm about to eat. Shove food in mouth quickly...kind of hot.
3:45-4:45 Feed Hyrum, play time, go down for nap
4:45-6:00 Try to figure out what's up with our health insurance, call them and get stuck on hold for forever. Call the hospital, get stuck on the phone forever. Tomorrow's agenda--call Hyrum's doctor, my doctor, and the anesthesiologist. Will probably get stuck on the phone forever. (As is apropos, Hyrum wakes up in the middle of the waiting game and wants to eat.)
6:00-7:30 Daddy comes home and helps me appease Hyrum. He fusses and eats on and off the whole time.
7:30-8:10 Feed Hyrum, he falls asleep, keep him upright for 30 minutes, put him to bed.
8:10-9:00 Fill out immigration forms...joy
9:00-9:45 Tidy up house, make to-do list for tomorrow, get school things together
9:45-10:20 Climb into bed, read scriptures, cuddle and talk with the hubby
10:20 Hyrum messes his pants in his sleep. Brennan changes him, I decide to top him off for the night. Who knows...maybe he'll sleep longer?
10:20 Feed baby
10:40-11:10 keep him upright for 30 minutes...doctor's orders
11:10 Put baby down and head to bed!

Day 5: Your definition of love

2011-02-12T21:18:00.002-07:00

Love: sacrifice, forgiveness, endearment, time, service, touch, compassion, remembrance, hugs.

What does it look like in my life?
* A husband who makes dinner when I'm exhausted, even though he has tons to do.
* A baby who snuggles with and smiles at me
* A friend who forgives me for saying or doing something stupid
* A cuddle session on a Friday night
* A visiting teacher who knows just when to call and ask how I'm doing
* A trip to a loved one's burial site
* A visit with grandma
* A bishop who takes time to talk to me, asks me how I'm doing, and genuinely cares about the answer
* A voice mail from a husband thanking me for my service as a mother
* A mom who keeps me company on the telephone when I'm lonely at home
* A loving Heavenly Father who doesn't always give me what I want, but always what I need

Day 4: What you ate today

2011-02-11T21:44:00.002-07:00

This ought to be exciting...

Breakfast
1 bowl of Wheat Chex

Lunch
1 oat and honey bar
string cheese
2 pieces of peanut butter toast

Dinner
BBQ Pork Chops
Mashed Potatoes
Green Beans

Dessert
1 bowl of Samoas ice cream...yummm!

Day 3: Your parents

2011-02-10T17:24:00.002-07:00

I'll be honest, I did not have the best relationship with my parents growing up. I remember saying things like, "I will NEVER do ________ like they do." Guess what? Now I'm all grown-up (or at least pretend to be!) and I think I do the exact same things they do. I'm paranoid about my kid's safety, I double (and triple) check the straightener is unplugged, and I like the laundry folded a certain way. Without further ado, here are my parents!

My mom: Lynne

My mom was born and raised in England which is one of the reasons I think she's so darn stubborn. When I was a kid this stubbornness really drove me crazy but my dad used to always say, "you know, if it wasn't for the English being so stubborn, we'd all be speaking German right now." And you know what, when it comes to my mom, the saying definitely holds true. While she has her silly things about which she is stubborn, she is also stubborn about the welfare of her children. She loves her children and wants what is best for them, no matter what. She has dealt with some amazingly hard things. One of which has really hit home to me lately, as I have been contemplating the birth of my own first child. My mother felt strongly that she and my father should start a family right away after they got married. Unfortunately, they were newly married, poor, and had no health insurance...and expecting their first baby. My father dropped out of college and joined the Air Force so he could have a way to provide for his new family. However, this meant that he would be in basic training at the very end of my mother's pregnancy. My mom decided to go back home to England to deliver me, her first child, so as not to be alone those last few months. The thought is that my dad would join her out there. For some reason this wasn't able to happen and my mother had to give birth to her first child without her husband there. I think of how much I needed Brennan with me when I was in labor. I think of how much I needed him those last few months of pregnancy when I felt so uncomfortable and so uncertain as to what the future would hold and I wonder how she did it without my dad. She had her mom but it's still not the same. But, she did it because that was simply what had to be done. That is the woman my mother is--one who does what needs to be done and who makes the sacrifices necessary for her family.

My Dad: Richard

My daddy and I have always had a special relationship. I think if I still fit, I would continue to sit on his lap to this day. My father is one of the most caring people I know. I have watched him sacrifice over and over again for his family. After being medically discharged from the military, my family moved to Utah for a few months with the thought of permanently settling down here. Unemployed and feeling a heavy responsibility to take care of his family, he moved us to Salt Lake City to live in the basement of his stepbrother's house. I think of the humility it must have required for him to ask for help. Then, rather than asking my mother to work, because he felt it was important for her to be at home with the children if at all possible, he worked two jobs. I hardly remember seeing my father in those months because he worked around the clock. All of that while dealing with narcolepsy.

That pattern continued throughout my childhood. I remember him working hour after hour of overtime along with second jobs, driving over an hour and a half each way to work because he felt strongly about raising his children outside of the big cities, taking naps where he could to be able to do it all again the next day. I remember receiving little deposits in my bank account in college, small ones of about $20 here and there, even when my family was struggling financially, because he knew that I was having a hard time paying for school and buying groceries. How grateful I am for his love and sacrifice over the years.

So, there they are. They're pretty amazing. They love their children and they have both sacrificed so much for their family. How grateful I am for strong, loving, supportive parents.

Day 2: Your first love

2011-02-09T14:40:00.003-07:00

This one is kind of a toughy because my definition of love has changed over time but here are a few of my "first loves".

Very first love: Daddy. When I was a little girl I used to tell everyone that I wanted to marry my Daddy. He was big and handsome and liked to play games with me. Plus, he was the only boy I really knew. As time has gone on I still love and cherish my relationship with my father. He is still one of the most fun people that I know and I love talking to him.

The first unrequited love: 6th through 8th grade, boy named Tom. HUGE crush. I mean, it lasted for three whole years! That's longer than I've been married! Of course he was way more popular than I was and had a girlfriend that was way prettier than I was. At least my burning desire for him wilted eventually but those were three very long years.

The first true love: Brennan, my husband. He was the one who taught me what real love is...kindness, service, perseverance--all along with that twitterpatted feeling that Thumper talks about. I remember the first moment that I TRULY knew that I loved Brennan. It was actually just about 2 weeks before we were married when we attended the temple together (a special place of worship for Latter-day Saints). That day I knew that I wanted to be with him forever. I knew that he would take care of me and our family. I knew that he would always be there for me. I felt loved, I felt secure, I felt safe, and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Before that I thought I loved him but in that instant, I knew without a doubt. I still know. I love you Brennan. You are my sweetheart, my sunshine, and the one who completes me. Thank you for being mine.

Day 1: Introduce Yourself

2011-02-08T20:33:00.005-07:00

I saw this challenge on a friend's blog and I thought it might be fun to join in.

Introduce Yourself:

I always find introducing myself to be an awkward endeavor. How does one sum up in a few sentences who they are? I mean, I'm not sure that I even know who I am yet, let alone know how to describe myself to others. But, here's a shot.

My name is Amy and I am from a small town in northwest Washington state. As such, I love the rain and mild temperatures. I moved to Utah to attend college at Brigham Young University. At first I came kicking my feet and swearing that I would go back to Washington the instant I graduated. Then this dear state began to grow on me. I'm still not a fan of the erratic weather but I love being surrounded by so many people who share my beliefs in God and in a lifestyle that is pleasing to him.

Along with that, I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I remember someone once asking me why I felt this was the true church and why I chose to live a lifestyle that is so different from many other young college students. I simply replied, "Because it makes me happy." And that is certainly the truth. There was a time in my life when I questioned my beliefs and chose to live life contrary to how I was raised. At first I thought it was fun, liberating even. And then I realized that fun did not equal happiness. In fact, I wasn't happy anymore and hadn't been happy for a long time. So, I committed myself to living the teachings and standards taught to me in my youth. Results? I have never regretted that decision. I love my life. I love my faith. And I am happy.

Love of family is a major part of my faith and a major part of my life. I have a beautiful family which is founded on a loving marriage with my dear husband, Brennan. Brennan is truly the best thing that has ever happened in my life. He fills my life with hope, comfort, and love. I also have a beautiful son who has brought a new purpose to my life. I am so grateful for my belief in the doctrine of eternal families because it gives me hope and faith that I will be with my precious family forever.

So, that's it on the serious front. Here are a few things just for fun!
* I used to LOVE getting up early. I might be the only person who actually liked 6am volleyball practice and who didn't mind early morning seminary. Now I'm a sleep deprived mommy and I hope I never see the dark hours of the morning.
* I love being crafty! Knitting, sewing, cross-stitching--love them. Maybe it's because they make me feel so home-y but they're one of the things I most look forward to doing in my stay-at-home years. (exception: scrapbooking...too messy!)
* I'm a list-maker. Even if I know I can't get everything done on my list, it just makes me feel better to have it made. Even better is seeing all of the check marks when I've had a particularly productive day.
* I love talking to people. Sometimes I feel a little awkward in introductory situations but overall, I think it's just a lot of fun to get to know people and to chat with them!
* I am an opera singer. Random, I know. But yeah, I sing opera, have been in a number of operas, and teach opera singing to students. I majored in vocal performance in college and I'm not 100% sure what I'm going to do with that but hopefully something...
* I love to cuddle--with the hubby, with my son, and with puppies.
* In conjunction with above statement, I love dogs, preferably large-ish dogs. My family had a lab-shepherd when I was growing up and I love him! The hubby generally likes smaller dogs so we'll see how that one plays out in our future.
* I sucked my thumb until I was 8 years old and slept with a teddy bear through my first few years of college. Umm yeah, I had a hard time growing up.
* Favorite TV shows: Past: Gummy Bears, Care Bears, Full House. Present: The Office and Arrested Development. Future: ....
* Things I wish I had done: learned how to cook better when I lived at home, kept up with running, gone to nursing school instead of getting a music degree, and taken ballet at a young age.
* I was born in England and my mother is British, so I am a certified British citizen as well!
* I am sleep deprived and headed to bed!

Day 01 - Introduce Yourself
Day 02 - Your First Love
Day 03 - Your Parents
Day 04 - What You Ate Today
Day 05 - Your Definition Of Love
Day 06 - Your Day
Day 07 - Your Best Friend
Day 08 - A Moment
Day 09 - Your Beliefs
Day 10 - What You Wore Today
Day 11 - Your Siblings
Day 12 - What's In Your Bag
Day 13 - This Week
Day 14 - What You Wore Today
Day 15 - Your First Kiss
Day 16 - Your Dreams
Day 17 - Your Favorite Birthday
Day 18 - Your Favorite Memory
Day 19 - Something You Regret
Day 20 - This Month
Day 21 - Another Moment
Day 22 - Something That Upsets You
Day 23 - Something That Makes You Feel Better
Day 24 - Something That Makes You Cry
Day 25 - A First
Day 26 - Your Fears
Day 27 - Your Favorite Place
Day 28 - Something That You Miss
Day 29 - Your Aspirations
Day 30 - One Last Moment

I challenge anyone who sees this to join me. It will be fun to get to know each other better!

Weight watchers weekly decline

2011-02-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm about to reveal far more than I ever desired. I will not give number totals but, did you know that pregnancy makes you gain weight? Bah! I swear toward the end of my pregnancy I began to wonder if small trucks weighed less than I did. Anyway, enough complaining. It's over now, the damage has been done and now I'm trying to undo it. I re-joined Weight Watchers this week because I was actually worried that I wasn't eating enough to keep up my milk supply or at least when I WAS eating, it definitely was junk food because that's the easiest thing to eat when you're starving after the round of middle-of-the-night feedings. I did Weight Watchers online a couple of years ago and lost about 20 pounds in about 4-5 months. I felt pretty stinking good about myself. I was still about 25 pounds away from my goal weight but I hadn't felt that good about myself in years.

Then grad school started. More correctly, I took Music 500 (words cannot contain my thoughts on this class. Not all of my words are hatred but most of them are not pleasant). That class took a good year off my life and added an extra 25ish pounds to my frame. No joke. Gained a ton of weight because I never slept and snacked all the time to stay awake.

Then the summer came and the grand plan was to be righteous again. Results? First week of summer vacation and I couldn't figure out why I was so dang hungry all the time. Figured it was living "the plan" and then discovered that I was pregnant. That explained it.

Gained about 55 pounds while pregnant. Thank you pre-ecclampsia. I puffed up like a balloon and gained weight like an elephant. Not pleasant for anyone.

Then I had a baby. Wahoo! Lost 30 pounds in the first few weeks. Still not to pre-pregnancy weight (let alone pre-Music 500 weight) but dang, what a good start!

So, now we're on Weight Watchers again and hoping to get down to that goal weight but no matter what, I would even be happy just fitting into my old pants. How's that going, you ask? Well, here's how it goes:

Monday: Doing great! Eat lots of vegetables and fruit. Stick to whole grains. Life's great!
Tuesday: Maybe a few less vegetables and a little bit of chocolate, but still definitely on the plan.
Wednesday: A little more chocolate but still overall, doing well.
Thursday: Crappy day. No other way to put it. Eat a bowl of Capt'n Crunch to celebrate said awful day. Hubby brings home a cupcake from The Cocoa Bean to help me feel better. It helps...until the middle of the night when I remember that Mommy's tummy doesn't handle a lot of sugar very well.
Friday: Resolution to do better. Mother-in-law brings breakfast sandwich from Carl's Jr. That's okay. I'll be good the rest of the day. Then friend brings me Crazy Bread. Okay, that's fine. I ate spinach with my lunch today. That cancels out everything bad, right?
Saturday: That's tomorrow. Resolution to do better.

Family blog

2011-02-03T12:25:00.003-07:00

We've started a private family blog. I don't know all the dangers of having children's pictures up on the internet but I figured since I'll be using our whole names, it might be best to have it privatized. Please send me an email if you'd like an invitation!

Baby Cartwright's entrance into the world

2011-01-13T18:58:00.004-07:00

Baby Cartwright managed to make a fashionably late appearance. Technically due on Jan 3rd, he arrived into the world on January 10th via emergency c-section. While things didn't quite go as planned, we are so blessed to have our little baby here safe and sound.

About 6 weeks before baby was born, I had an appointment with my obstetrician. He noted that I was already dilated to 1cm and 70% effaced. The doctor warned that first-time moms usually deliver on or after their due dates but that things seemed to be progressing a bit ahead of schedule so who knows, maybe he would make his entrance early?!?

But, that's where things stopped progressing. Week after week I went to my doctor's appointments with little if no signs of advancement. Main issue: baby wasn't dropping. We kind of just assumed he was being lazy and liked his warm home as opposed to the sub-zero temperatures outside. By about week 38, the diagnosis of gestational hypertension started looking like it might progress into pre-eclampsia. The doctor put me on bed rest and just encouraged me to take it easy until the little fellow entered the world. After weeks of being told that they'd like to induce me but that I just hadn't progressed far enough, at my 40 week appointment the doctor sent me over to be induced that same day.

I pick the hubby up from work, we come home and grab the hospital bag, said a prayer for comfort and headed to the hospital. The doctor on call at the hospital (I have a rotating OB practice) cleared the orders for the induction and ordered some blood work to be taken to assess whether or not I would need to be on magnesium and verify that I could still have an epidural since the epidural can sometimes cause problems with pre-ecclampsia (no WAY was I going to be on pitocin without an epidural if I was allowed one!).

Long story short, all the labs came back clear and the doctors rotated at 6pm. The next doctor saw that all the labs came back clear and sent me home. Darn it! I had an appointment a couple days later and was scheduled for an induction the following Monday and that appointment was changed to Sunday night after a non-stress test on Friday.

Sunday during the day Brennan and I just spent time together, realizing it was our last day as a couple. After a long cuddle session and a lovely dinner made by Brennan, we headed to the hospital.

That night they started me on a drug called Cytotec, a cervical ripening agent that also causes contractions. After being on that from 6pm-6am and getting approximately 15 minutes of sleep the entire night, they started me on Pitocin the following morning. However, the pitocin made my contractions go absolutely bonkers! There were no breaks between contractions and I was definitely in pain. They kept turning down the pitocin to help limit the contractions and the nurse gave me an IV drug to help with the pain since I wasn't quite ready to commit to the epidural.

Then came the task of breaking my water. For most people this sounds like a fairly easy procedure. However, since baby was huddled completely to one side, my cervix was opening sideways rather than straight. That plus the fact that apparently my bag of water was "made of steel", as the doctor put it, made for a painful and adventurous undertaking. After that, I begged for the epidural. Constant cramping and hardly any sleep for the last 27-28 hours and I was just exhausted. If it hadn't made me feel ridiculously nauseous and if I hadn't vomited while they were inserting the epidural, it may have been a fairly pleasant relief.

Eventually the pitocin was completely turned off and my body stayed in labor on its own. However, my contractions developed a "diastolic" pattern where there would be one good contraction and then a "piggy back" contraction immediately following it. The second contraction wasn't doing anything to progress labor but was keeping the baby's heart rate too low for too long.

The next endeavor was to pump amniotic fluid back into the uterus and to put me on oxygen to help the baby's heart rate stabilize. Unfortunately his heart rate wouldn't recover quickly enough after the contractions. At one point doctor, nurse, Brennan and I were all watching the monitor after the doctor checked my cervix. Poor baby's little heart rate continually dropped and dropped without recovering. It got dangerously low for a while (from my recollection, around 70 bpm) and the doctor warned me that a c-section would likely be necessary but they would keep a close eye on things for a little while longer. Just in case it became an emergency situation, they had me sign the c-section consent papers, prepped my body (aka shaved my nether regions), prepared the c-section delivery room, called in back-up for surgery, and the nurse got sterile clothing ready for Brennan.

The doctors and nurses monitored the heart rate and contractions closely for another hour but when things weren't looking better and with only being dilated to about 4-4.5 cm, the doctor said we wouldn't make it to the end of delivery this way. With a mixture of emotions--sadness over not being able to have a vaginal delivery, worry over the health of baby, and sheer relief of knowing that the exhaustion of labor was about to be over--they wheeled me into the c-section delivery room. After a few moments of feeling some tugging (but no pain, thankfully!) the doctor saw the baby, commented that he was face up (and THAT'S probably why the little fellow wasn't dropping and why he was stuck on my right side!) and then stated that the baby had a "Chiquita Banana" head (his head had molded into a cone in attempts to get through mommy's pelvis face-up), little Baby Boy Cartwright was held up over the drape to be seen by mommy and daddy for the first time. Tears filled my eyes as I realized I was now a mommy!

The nurse took the baby to be weighed and measured and reported that he weighed 8lbs, 7oz and was 21 inches long (that was including the cone head so he's probably a tinsy bit shorter).

Accompanied by Daddy, Baby was taken away to be washed and cared for. The doctor remarked as he was sewing me up that he had cut me in such a way that I was an eligible candidate for a vaginal delivery next time but warned me that one of the issues in delivering this baby was that he was just too big for my body and that likely, he will be the smallest of my babies. So in short, "best of luck with that!"

I was wheeled back to my original delivery room groggy, drugged up, and beyond exhausted. The anesthesiologist and nurses kept urging me to sleep but my mind was consumed by the fact that I was now a mommy. I couldn't wait to hold my baby and be with him and my husband again.

About an hour after delivery, I was wheeled to a room in the Mother/Baby floor of the hospital where again, I was encouraged to rest up. A short while later Brennan came into the room and reported that our little boy was doing very well. Apparently he hated his bath more than just about anything. After a little bit of waiting, baby was brought to my chest. Oh how I loved holding him already! After the lactation consultant came a few moments later, I was able to breastfeed my little boy for the first time. As Brennan and I discussed names (Isaac, Patrick, and Hyrum were all contenders) I turned to our sweet baby and said, "How do you feel about Hyrum Patrick little guy?" With a sudden calming of his body, we knew that Hyrum was the right name for our little boy.

The rest of the day I just held him to my chest, watched with absolute bliss as Brennan held him close, and I couldn't imagine being happier. My happiness increased even more the next night as I received the sweetest of all voice messages from Brennan thanking me for carrying, birthing, and taking care of our little Hyrum.

Though things didn't quite go as planned, I am so grateful for our little boy and that he made it into this world safe and sound. I shuddered to think that 100 years ago both baby and I likely would not have survived his birth. How grateful I am for modern medicine and for the opportunity to be a mother.

The two o'clock hour

2011-01-07T08:28:00.003-07:00

I received an email from a professor asking if we could meet today to work on some of the projects I'm completing for him. I emailed him back saying I would love to meet today and that I was free from 11am-2pm and any time after 3pm. He emailed me back and asked, "does the 2:00 hour work?".

D-day

2011-01-03T04:56:00.001-07:00

Due date. You're here! Now, where's my baby?

Little friend coming soon!

2010-11-30T06:35:00.002-07:00

I just saw the little baby widget on the side and I had to laugh at how much room they show the little guy having. It's like he's just floating around in there without a care in the world. But, unfortunately the little guy doesn't have much room and his feet are frequently stuck in my ribs. Pleasant, eh? But, then I noticed there aren't very many days left. Wahoo! I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and the first thing he said when he came into the room was, "I bet you would like to have this baby before the beginning of the year." My reply--yes! Bring on the tax break!! Then he proceeded to tell me that unfortunately, first-time moms usually exceed their due date...boo! But, for some reason redheads usually deliver early (weird or what?) and that as long as baby, mom, and cervix were ready to go, he didn't mind inducing me at 39 weeks. When he checked me yesterday (at 35 weeks) I was already dialted to a +1 and 70% effaced to which he replied, "well, maybe you will come a little early after all. I guess we'll just see" and then proceeded to give me tips on how to speed up that process (too much information my friends but I did laugh for quite a while as I was leaving his office) Well, no matter what, he's coming soon. I just can't wait to meet our little baby!

Awake, again

2010-09-30T03:27:00.002-06:00

So I'm sitting here in bed, 3:30am, awake...again! Bah! This definitely seemed to be a problem during the summer months but now that school has started and I'm blasted tired all the time, sleeping through the night hasn't been that big of a deal. I mean, it probably has a lot to do with the fact that sleeping through the night = 4-5 hours of sleep due to homework but whatever.

As I've been laying here I've been thinking about my productivity during the wee hours of the morning. Thus far I have gotten a drink of water, double-checked the doors were locked, eaten a bite of birthday dessert from Mimi's cafe, looked at Target.com for cute maternity clothes I probably won't buy, checked my email, perused Facebook, and looked at baby pictures of friends who had their babies this week. That being said, during the daytime I feel like I'm running every which way trying to get homework done. Why in the world, if I've got so much homework, do I spend my time this way when I'm wide awake, just because it's dark outside?

It reminds me of a comment one of my professors made once. He said, "You know, if you have 10 extra minutes in the morning then you sleep the extra 10 minutes. But if you've got an extra 10 minutes in the middle of the day, you probably don't use them for extra study time." Yup, he's right. On that note, maybe I'll try to get crackin' on my homework now. It always puts me to sleep in the middle of the day so maybe it will be successful now too!

Sleep deprivation

2010-08-13T23:02:00.002-06:00

Since about month 2 of pregnancy I've had a massive problem being comfortable at night. I don't know about the rest of you, but for me, uncomfortable=little sleep=grumpy. So, the other day I woke up at my normal 2:45am. Beautiful. I've learned that sitting in bed just makes me anxious and upset that I'm not falling asleep so I've started a routine of getting up and working on homework, replying to emails, playing on Facebook, etc. So, I get up and start my little routine and I'm actually able to get a lot of important things done. Around 4:00am I start feeling drowsy. Excited to finally be able to go back to sleep, I turn off the computer and jump into bed.

There I am laying in bed, excited to fall asleep when I feel "grumble, grumble, grumble." Perfect. I'm hungry. Now, I don't know if all pregnant women are the same but when I'm hungry, it ain't going away and instead I have flashbacks of my first trimester where hungry = nausea! I wait a few minutes, thinking it might go away and then finally surrender to the Great Stomach and get myself a bowl of cereal.

Satisfied, I jump back into bed again thinking that I had taken care of everything on my checklist to get back to some shut-eye. Then I'm reminded of my little womb-friend who seems to love sugar because every time I eat anything with sugar in it, he starts kicking like crazy. Granted, they're fairly gentle at this point with a few minor blast kicks from time to time, but still...when you're trying to sleep, even the gentle nudges feel like you're being used as a trampoline.

I don't know what time I fell asleep but I imagine it was about the same time as the little fellow. Moral of the story--consider your consequences.

Heavenly vegetarians

2009-08-30T20:41:00.006-06:00

Yesterday my husband and I decided to go to one of our favorite gourmet restaurants...Arby's! While eating my roast beef sandwich I had this strange epiphany about cows. You see, I believe that we all are resurrected after we die and presumably, we know what's going on with our bodies after we die. Meaning, I'm probably up there making sure that no crazy head forgets to mow over my plot of ground. For the most part, I assume the same thing of other life forms, in this case cows. I mean, cows go to heaven too, right? And they get resurrected too, yes?

Then my thoughts moved to how they watched over their bodies. Some sweet cow, we'll call her Bessy, is watching over her physical body as I eat her to bits!! With sauce on top and bread on either side!! Ahhhh!!!! Does this not cause terror in anyone else's soul?

The scariest dream EVER!

2009-08-16T12:32:00.002-06:00

I can't believe I didn't write about this sooner! Last February I had one of the most terrifying dreams of my life so I thought I would share it here.

Before having this dream, I was offered the chance to sing in a master class for this big-name opera singer, Jennifer Larmore. I was a little bit nervous about the whole ordeal and those nerves were compounded by the fact that I came down with a terrible cold just the week before. I spent the whole week before the master class in bed, downing Nyquill and Mucinex. Two days before the master class, my fears were made manifest...

In my dream I still had a sore throat and was terribly worried about the high B-naturals scattered throughout the song. My worry turned into a stomach ache so I asked if I could be moved to the last singer position. My request was granted and I waited out in the lobby for the rest of the singers to finish.

I realized my accompanist hadn't shown up yet. That was bad! I started looking around for her when I saw her walk right past me, purposely pretend like she hadn't seen me, and make it very well known that she was ignoring me...ahhh!

Right as I was about to walk in to sing my song (sans accompanist), everyone in the Madsen Recital Hall poured out of their seats and headed out the door. I was crushed, but still excited to sing for my hero even though there wouldn't be an audience. But then...the voice teacher in charge of the master class met me and said, "I'm so sorry Amy. Everyone left. But, maybe Jennifer will let you come and sing for her at our house."

The next thing I knew I was in Darrell(the voice teacher's) living room, ready to sing my song. The only weird thing was that it kind of looked like something you'd imagine your great-grandmother's parlor would look like. Sheer white curtains, baby blue plush furniture, and dust swirling through the air. I kind of felt like I was going to sneeze just looking at it.

All of a sudden I look down to see me wearing nothing but my underwear! I was freaking out...my hero was coming to hear me sing and all she was going to see was this weirdo in her underwear. I ran to Darrell and exclaimed, "Darrell! She's going to think I'm so weird! I can't wear my underwear to sing for Jennifer Larmore!!!" He assured me that everything would be okay and that he would find me some clothes.

I was so relieved. His wife is a famous opera singer and in my estimation, quite classy. So, everything would be fine after all. In fact, I should probably be better dressed than I would have been otherwise. But...he returned with his gym bag and handed me a stinky, over sized T-shirt and windbreaker pants complete with over sized tennis shoes. So, now I stank, had a sore throat, was stuck in a dusty, grandma-y room, and had conversed with one of the voice teachers in my undergarments. This just wasn't my day.

But, Jennifer Larmore came and sat in one of the baby blue plush chairs, awaiting my selection. I announced that I would be singing "Una Voce poco fa". My new accompanist (some random old lady I found who played the piano in primary, albeit, not very well) couldn't find the music. All there was available was the primary hymn book and terrible EFY arrangements.

And then...I woke up.

And what is the point again?

2009-07-01T14:28:00.003-06:00

This semester I decided that I was going to get into great shape. I have been running a little bit and going to the gym on a pretty regular basis so I thought "Okay Amy. I think you're ready to take an aerobics class." I show up my first few days and take the fitness tests and apparently, I'm in pretty good shape from all that gym and running time. The big ego starts there...

After the first workout in class I was pretty fatigued but still fairly confident. Yesterday I showed up to be informed that Wednesdays are strength training days. Since most of the girls in my class are little skinny weaklings I thought to myself, "Okay girl! You're definitely going to show them what's what!" The instructor led us to a closet full of weights. I arrive at the closet to see a bunch of 5lb hand weights. My immediate thought is "Wussies! Are they joking? I've been lifting tons more than this! This is ridiculous!"...no joke, my thoughts.

After lunge 8 million I realized I was wrong...VERY wrong. I felt like my muscles were about to melt beneath me into a pool of nothingness. Girls were throwing their weights down all over the place. As much as I wanted to die in that moment I was not going to be a wuss! So, I kept going. After 40 minutes of absolute torture, we were finally finished!

This morning I woke up in dire pain. Ahhh! So much for calling aerobics girls wusses! Since my class is in the morning, I had no choice but to get up and get out the door. I arrived to class today to find that we had a substitute for the class as our teacher was out of town. After 45 minutes of truly wussy aerobics time I thought it might be good to do another workout on my own. So, off to the elliptical machine I went for 40 minutes. Go me! I thought...

And what I really should have been thinking was "stupid girl!". As I got off the machine and made my way to the showers all I could think about was how much pain I was in. Yikes! As I showered I started to wonder why anyone would willingly put themselves through this much torture. I gave myself all of the traditional answers, "It makes you feel better", "You'll live longer", "You're healthier", "It improves your self-esteem". You know...all the ones "they" tell you to make you want to do this.

And then I start doing calculations. If a person were to work out 6 days a week as is currently recommended, for about an hour a day they would spend 312 hours a year working out. If they were to continue this for the next 45 years into the golden years that would be 14,040 hours. Okay, now here comes the real cost-benefit analysis... Am I really adding 14,040 hours to my life by exercising? I'm not really sure. And, aren't I just adding those hours to my old life? Why am I mortgaging my youth? And, does it really make me feel better? NO! I'm in dire pain! And do I really feel better about myself by doing it? Not really, I have to struggle to stand and sit right now and it makes me look like a 90 year old lady. Basically, all of the reasons for working out are lies. LIES! Good thing I'm taking this class for a grade. It's probably the only way I would continue with this current mindset.

Learning to keep my big mouth shut

2009-06-21T19:47:00.002-06:00

My mama used to tell me when I was a little girl that I needed to learn when to speak and not to speak because someday, something I said might get me into trouble. I always thought she was just being silly. I mean, having a British mother means that sometimes I just thought she was being a little extreme.

But, no. She was right. This weekend my husband and I decided to go down to St. George to celebrate our one year anniversary. Wahoo! After many hours of driving and a few U-turns after getting lost in St. George, we pulled into our hotel. I watched as my husband gave the front desk attendant the necessary credit card and license information. You know, the usual. Then comes my big mouth.

"Oh honey! When do you get a new drivers license? This one is still tilted the I'm-not-old-enough-to-drink way. I mean, for all that drinking that we do (chuckle)."

Then the front desk attendant looks at my husband's driver's license and says "this actually expired back in March. I need a form of valid ID. You're gonna have to take the drive test now and everything!" blah blah blah, the world is going to fall apart on us now and basically life as we know it is over.

So, there I was, grateful we had discovered such a thing in a setting where large fees would not be involved and at the same time, mortified! This meant that every ounce of driving around St. George, to and from Zion's National Park, and back to St. George would have to be performed by none other than moi...moi who hardly ever drives since she got a husband to do those scary things for her. Ahhh!

Good news, we made it back home safely. Bad news is...mama was right...

Some great Primary Stories

2009-06-14T17:32:00.003-06:00

I've been saving these ones up for a while. For any of you who love "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" you should get a kick out of these.

* One day the 2nd counselor was teaching in Sharing Time about when Mary went to the tomb of Jesus. She asked the children "Now, why was Mary going to Jesus' tomb?" One of the children replied, "She was going there to put hot sauce on Jesus' body." Apparently he thought spices and hot sauce were one and the same.

* On a lesson about our mortal journey on earth, the teacher asked the Primary children, "What is the most important step in coming back home to live with our Heavenly Father?" One of the children replied, "Dying!"

* Summer term in Provo spells unstable teacher schedules. As such, one Sunday we had a brand new teacher coupled with a substitute teacher for the 11-year old boys class. The sister conducting sharing Primary that day began by welcoming everyone to Primary. While doing so, she turned to the boys' class and said, "Now, I've been gone for a little while. Would you two teachers mind telling me your names?" The first replied, "My name is Brother Beer" and the second "My name is Brother Coffey". They were being serious. All they would need to do is ask Brother Worthy, also in the ward, to join them for a lesson about the Word of Wisdom.

Greek gods rap

2009-06-05T15:53:00.004-06:00

Today at work I saw this girl and this middle-aged gentleman walk out of the conference room wearing togas and curly wigs. To be honest, it was a little frightening. I work at BYU Independent Study and they're often having photo shoots for advertising purposes. Normally they find the most attractive and/or non-Caucasian workers and take pictures of them. While the toga people could potentially fit into the non-Caucasian category (okay, not really), I was still really surprised. I mean, who are they trying to attract? All I could envision was some crazy slogan like, "these Greek guys were smart. Take our courses and you'll be smart too!". It would have pink bubble lettering and scream 7th grade class project. Again, frightening.

However, I just discovered that they're actually recording a rap about Greek gods for one of our history courses...I mean, of course! That makes total sense.

Learning things the hard way

2009-05-22T16:11:00.002-06:00

Recently in my life it seems like every anticipated day is accompanied by some wound or another. Here are just a few to illustrate...

1) The day before we got married I decided to wax my bikini line. Normal, yeah? Well...except I decided to do it myself, the day beforehand, and didn't read the directions very well (or at least didn't follow them). I get the wax all hot, apply, rip, and then the unthinkable...stuck wax, stuck paper, HUGE welt on inside of leg. Ahhhh! My wedding night, if not awkward already, was about to get that much more awkward by the fact that I had a large purple welt! In my terrified-ness I called to Brennan to come and talk to me from the other side of the bathroom door (I was staying at his parent's house in the guest bedroom the week before we got married...no monkey business!) and I cry:
"Honey!!! I have bad news"
"What's that sweetheart?" he replies.
"I did something bad..."
"ummm, what's that?" he questions.
"Well, umm, I tried to do this thing and now I have this big welt..."
He asks, "Well, does it look ugly?"
"Definitely"
"Oh, well, this is awkward...will it go away?"
"Ummmm, maybe in a few weeks"

2) The other day I noticed an icky zit on my eye brow. It kind of hurt a lot so I decided to get rid of the little sucker before he became noticable. Pinching and poking at the dumb thing I felt I was rather successful. That night I put a dab of toothpaste on him to try to dry him out. The result...huge scabby wound next to my eye...of course!

So, there you go...don't wax your bikini line the day before you get married and just leave the little zit alone. If you luck is anything like mine, things are only going to get worse.

Once in a lifetime...

2009-05-03T20:42:00.002-06:00

Today I saw something that will never occur again, or at least hopefully, will never occur again. As many of you may know, I'm currently in Ireland on tour with BYU Singers. For the first part of our tour we are at the Cork International Choral Festival where we competed in the the Fleishman Trophy Competition. There are choirs from all over the world, including Slovenia, Finland, Norway, Germany, and Poland...to name a few.

After the competition results had been announced a gala performance took place where the choirs had the opportunity to show a bit of their "lighter" side. For most choirs this included a couple energetic pieces, even at times bordering on the corny, but usually acceptable.

One choir however definitely crossed the line of beauty...and it may be the most memorable choral experience of my life. Imagine this...choir of about 60, conductor wears a long velvet coat and has long, greasy hair--the uber nerdy conductor-esq person.

Then...it starts. "In the Jungle" opens their program. A little corny, but still acceptable. And then it REALLY happens:

* who: Warsaw School of Economics
* what: singing Nirvana's Teen Spirit
* where: at one of the largest choral festivals in all of Europe
* how: I have no idea
* why: because you can only laugh so much

There it was...the most horrid and yet amazing event in the history of choral music. Basically I hope someone recorded it because it would make the most AMAZING You Tube video, EVER!!!

Oh, and I forgot...they were headbanging in the middle of singing the song...just to add to the amazing ridiculousness.

Emergency!!!

2009-04-18T18:36:00.001-06:00

Today while I was taking out the trash I saw a suspicious line dangling from the trees and lying on the ground. My immediate reaction was one that they taught me in second grade--stay far away and get a grown-up. Unfortunately, I'm the grown-up now so I thought, "well, I should probably tell someone about this just in case the world is going to explode!" so I called Provo City Utility. Unfortunately they're closed Saturday evenings so I had to resort to calling 911.

So I call the nice emergency line and very calmly explain to her that there is a downed power/phone/whatever line behind our house. She emphatically tells me to get inside my house and direct people away from the line. I again mention that it doesn't seem like a major problem but I thought I would just check. She keeps me on the line until the fire department shows up to my house with fire truck and ambulance and all! Gosh, I wish I had a 5 year old around right then because then I could blame my excitement on them. SO EXCITED! (I mean...men in uniform are pretty cute, no?)

Long story short, cable line...someone's Saturday Night Live is going to be interrupted...that's the big emergency. Sorry Provo City! I guess you were probably pretty bored anyway so I'm glad you got a little bit of excitement for the evening.

I turned Utah!

2009-03-30T19:04:00.002-06:00

It's August 2005 and my dad and I are in my itty-bitty Ford Festiva. It's loaded with everything I own as we make the perilous journey from the beautiful Pacific Northwest to the Happy Valley of Provo. My first impression is that these Mormons here are CRAZY! As we drive down I-15 I notice advertisements for things like scrapbook stores and food storage. A little weird, but understandable...I guess. The one that really got me rolling was one of those big flashy reader boards for a car dealership that said "Welcome Home Elder Smith!!!" amidst "Honda Blow-out!". I couldn't help but wonder if I had stepped into an alternate universe.

So, now I've been here for about 3 1/2 years. For the most part I hardly notice the crazy advertisements. I get the biggest kick out of ones for "clean 'Lover's' stores" and BYU Independent Study advertisements that feature the one "ethnic-looking" person on all of BYU's campus. For the most part I just laugh and think about all the ways that I'm not one of "those" weirdo Mormons. Until yesterday...

Confession: I joined LDSJournal.com

Environmentalism gone wrong

2009-01-10T13:29:00.002-07:00

As many of you know, I consider myself to be fairly liberal and supportive of environmentalists. For a few fleeting moments I was a member of the Green Peace online group. Go green! However, I was introduced to one piece of green propaganda the other day that just seemed a little ridiculous to me.

On Friday I performed for the National Opera Association in Washington DC in a children's opera called "Chicken Little". Yes, I did just make my national debut as none other than Henny Penny...hooray! Anyway, the opera presented right before ours was called "The Greenest Story Ever Told". My insides kind of jumped at the thought of an environmentalist opera. It kind of reminded me of something that you would see on the Simpsons. I eagerly watched as they performed but became quite disturbed when I realized what was on their shirts. One of the boys was wearing a "Pollution Sucks" shirt. While I question the use of the word "sucks" with children, for the most part I think we can get past the sexual connotation. However, the "recycling" shirts were the most disturbing. In the middle of the traditional recycling symbol was a picture of a marijuana plant. Now, I consider myself to be pretty ignorant to a lot of things so I was thinking, "If I can catch this, surely everyone else is!"

So, there it is...environmentalism is really drug propaganda. It makes me sad :(

A Man's Thoughts

2008-12-26T17:12:00.002-07:00

As many of you know, I'm a voice major. This means that I have to practice a lot. I generally dislike practicing but I hate it even more if I know that someone is listening. My husband has been coming with me the last few days (I guess he's just bored or something). Today I told him I don't feel very productive when he comes because I worry about what he's thinking. His response was, "Well, I don't ever say anything." I replied that while I appreciate him not commenting on my singing I still worry about what he's thinking. His response this time was, "Well, honey, let me tell you about men...We're probably not really thinking about anything at all and when we are we're just thinking that we want to touch your butt."

Hmmmm...

1 year of blogging

2008-12-26T12:55:00.002-07:00

My lovely little blog has been around for about a year now...actually, I think a year ago yesterday. It may seem strange to start a blog on Christmas day. For most people blogging probably begins because they think they have some fun things to say that someone else might be interested in hearing. For me, it was just because I was bored to death at home. I love my family to pieces, but their home isn't exactly what I would call exciting. So yeah, I started a blog to keep me occupied.

Strangely enough, my home being super boring is actually how I became friends with my husband. After perusing around Facebook, trying to find people's email addresses so I could add them to my gmail chat, I added my now-husband's email address. I started chatting with him, much to his confusion. We had met a couple times but weren't really "friends", if you know what I mean. But I was super bored and was willing to talk to ANYONE who wasn't playing video games.

I guess the rest is history. I started a blog...I got married...yup, that's about it. I guess sometimes it's not so terrible to bored out of one's mind.

From the mouth of Crazies

2008-12-22T16:32:00.002-07:00

So, my husband just surprised me with the most romantic, fun night ever! He told me we were going up to Salt Lake City to see the Christmas lights on Temple Square. It sounded fun and romantic but I was feeling a little grouchy that day so I almost told him that we should just go up another night. Thank goodness I wasn't completely stupid because when we drove past Temple Square I was like, "Ummm, where are you planning on parking?" and he replied, "Well, Mrs. Cartwright. I have a reservation. No need to worry." I responded, "Ummm, what are you talking about?"

He then told me that he had made a reservation at the Anniversary Inn, the hotel we went to on our wedding night (if you haven't been there before, it's amazing! You should check out their website.) Anyway, he had already asked my boss for the day off work, packed our bags, and planned an evening o' romance. I was super surprised, which takes a lot for me. I'm one of those "I can tell what birthday present you got for me by the way you twitched your thumb" sort of girl. Anyway, super surprised and it was fantastically fun.

Okay, for those of you who lived through those slightly boring details, here's the fantastic thing. There is a book in each room where the guests write about their stay for future guests to read. Here are some of the entries we found most entertaining:

"Well, I wanted to surprise my girlfriend and brought her to the Phantom of the Opera room, for a special night. Little did I know she was planning on breaking up with me. So I stayed the night by myself! I loved it! And the tub was nice, I really loved the jets."

Here's my favorite:

"I am very pleased with the room and my new wife and I enjoyed our stay oh so much! I am a man now and very happy. Thank you."

I hope you all found those as entertaining as I did. I am a woman now, you know.

Joint blog

2008-11-30T20:55:00.003-07:00

Hey friends! My husband and I have started a joint blog. While we both enjoy writing on our individual blogs about every day silly happenings, we felt it would be nice to have a place where we could share openly our experiences from a religious and personal standpoint. As a warning for any young viewers out there, topics such as physical intimacy and sexuality are discussed (of course, always in a sacred manner). If you would like to check it out click here: http://bransinger.blogspot.com/

I hope you enjoy it. And don't worry, this will remain a place of silliness :)

Monkey, Monkey

2008-11-12T09:15:00.002-07:00

One day I was helping my husband clean up the kitchen and heard this strange sound from the corner near the sink. I turned around to see said husband with our monkey-face dish scrubber in one hand, dancing up and down, with the soap in the other hand singing "Monkey, monkey, King of the Jungle!" I must confess, I started laughing hysterically.

Now, something you should know about said monkey-face dish scrubber...my husband adores it. It was by far his favorite wedding present we were given. The only problem is that sponges stink after a while and after five months of marriage the monkey definitely stank. I pleaded many times for us to simply throw him away. While he's cute and all, he simply stinketh. Bran was crushed that I would want to throw away his new best friend. What ensued was a ridiculous attempt to save the poor monkey. Microwaving...laundering...you name it.

The good news is that laundering helped the monkey to stop stinking, at least for now. However, I sometimes question who is loved more...me, or the monkey

Adventures in Frugality

2008-10-27T15:48:00.002-06:00

So, I married an accountant. Well, an accounting student anyways. When I tell my little friends this they say, "Wow! You'll never be hurting for money. That's for sure." I always wonder if these are actually true statements or if my little friends are just confused. You see, what I have learned since marrying an accountant is that they are the most frugal of all frugal people. At first this was very saddening to a little girl who just liked to randomly buy Post-it notes in high abundance or other ridiculous things. However, I believe I've adjusted quite well to the life of an accountant's wife. I'm learning to be much more frugal.

However, sometimes I take this to the extreme. For example, last night while my dear accountant was off at a meeting, I decided to make us some good ol' fashioned casseroles for us to take as dinner for this next week. In an effort to be more frugal I decided to make my own spaghetti sauce from the little cans of tomato sauce we got for $0.18 a piece. Oh how clever I was as I mixed the sauce, some garlic powder (bought at the dollar store), an onion from the huge bag of onions we bought (much cheaper in big bags), and some parsley (also bought at the dollar store). I just kept thinking to myself that I was the epitome of domestic tranquility and so frugal at the same time!

My hubby returned home and told me that well, we actually already had some good spaghetti sauce I could have used. It was in the back of the pantry.

The result...gross lasagna. What happens now? Well, as we're frugal, we just have to get through the nasty lasagna...can't throw it away. Here's to a week of onion/garlic breath...

Maybe a little too much information...

2008-10-17T12:31:00.004-06:00

So, when I was a little girl my family and I used to go on super long car trips (once we drove from our home in norther Washington to Crater Lake in Southern Oregon in one shot. 20 hours in a car...one day. Grossness!). The worst part of this for a little girl is the problem of going to the bathroom. I certainly was never going to go on the side of the road. That would be improper! As a result sometimes I had to hold my little six year old bladder for hours on end.

A result of all of this has been that my poor little bladder has proclaimed mutiny on me in later years. Bran and I will be walking from school to our house about 20 minutes away and without fail, my little bladder will yell, "I own you! Take me to a little girls room NOW!"

Bran has decided we should name her. Her name is Tinker Bell. The only reason I tell you this is to exhort you to treat your bladder with kindness because if you don't it will rebel later.

gifts from a husband

2008-10-06T11:19:00.002-06:00

So, any of you who know my husband, Bran, know that he's most assuredly the sweetest, most wonderful man in the world. One day when he thought I was a bit upset (which being a girl probably means that I was having chocolate withdrawal symptoms) he went to the store to take care of some errands. As he ran out the door I yelled "Be back in 15 minutes". We can tell the chocolate had definitely left the system... Being the sweet husband that he is he returned home quickly bearing gifts to appease his forlorn little wife. Out came a light bulb, a broom, and a box of movie candy. Gone are the days of roses and on to the days of a wedded woman...

Still Alive

2008-10-06T11:15:00.002-06:00

Okay friends, this isn't that exciting of a post but it's been about two months since I've posted so I'm just reminding everyone that I'm still alive. Here's a shout out for everyone that's too busy to write on their blog. (And yes, I'm writing this in the middle of class which makes me a heathen). Love you all!

The world of picture frames

2008-08-13T21:52:00.002-06:00

Warning: If you bought us a picture frame for our wedding you will want to bypass this post and head on down to other, more applicable posts.

Soooo, I love pictures. I really do. I think they're a great way to capture memories and a wonderful way to decorate ones walls. Picture frames make this even more pleasurable...most of the time. One thing that I learned from our wedding reception however is that buying someone a picture frame is like buying them a piece of clothes without knowing what size they wear or what their style is. Just a little risky, though still a very sweet thought. As a result of our picture frame misfortune I have composed a list of rules when buying picture frames:

1. Anything that could resemble a murder weapon is a bad idea. This means that the picture frame should not weigh more than 1.5 lbs and should not threaten to break a toe, or worse, a major artery, if dropped
2. Classy good, grandma-ish bad. This one should be self-explainatory unless you are over the age of 65.
3. If you think that a 13 year old would like it, you probably shouldn't give it to fully grown adults. Silly writing and lettering on the sides is a bad idea, especially if it says something like: MR. and Mrs...just a little beyond corny.
4. It should be able to rotate. If the picture frame is laid out so that all of the pictures go horizontal and the photographer took mostly vertical pictures, the happy little couple may end up putting the silly pictures of their feet in the picture frame because that's their only option.

So yes. I still believe that maybe buying someone a picture frame is not the most amazing idea but hopefully with these simple rules you will at least have a chance of success. If you violate these rules then maybe your gift won't be useful, but I guarantee it will be a great entertainer for the new couple.

Awkward stories from a newlywed...

2008-07-20T19:39:00.003-06:00

I guess we all know that there are certain things about being newly married that just bring awkwardness. Most of the time when people told me about this though they were referring to how I would probably be annoyed at how my hubby would squeeze the toothpaste. However, no one prepared me for the following. Ahhh!

1. motion sensor light: Okay, so our apartment isn't ready for us to move into yet so we've been staying with Brennan's family. This has caused mild awkwardness but my favorite part has definitely been the fact that many of our nights we have opted to sleep in the Theatre Room which is basically a storage room in the basement of his parent's house. The most awkward part about this however is that there is no electricity hooked up down there and the only source of light is a motion sensor light. The light stays on for about 8-10 minutes at a time and then it turns off which means we're left alone in the pitch black. Our current remedy is to cautiously jump off the bed and do a dance until the light decides to turn on again.

2. living next door to K: K is Bran's 13 year old sister. When we're not sleeping down in the Theatre room we've been upstairs in the guest bedroom. Let's talk about the location of said bedroom for a moment. Imagine across the hall from the parents and next door to the 13 year old sister. Imagine the awkwardness that this could potentially cause. Let's talk about knocking on doors at inopportune times. Let's talk about the times when maybe knocking doesn't happen. I say no more.

3. emotional breakdowns: Okay, so hopefully this isn't too much info for anyone but basically birth control makes women crazy and super emotional!!! Basically we're talking sudden and unprovoked crying spells followed by sudden happiness and excitement. Basically any emotion is now intensified by about 20. C'est un peu AWKWARD! However, I'm grateful that Bran knows it isn't all my fault. He's even created an identity for this person. Her name is Mildred.

4. cutting hair: The other day I was telling my dear husband that maybe one way for us to make money to pay for our tuition in the Fall is for me to cut my hair short and sell it on ebay. I looked into it once and let's just say I could make enough to buy both of our books in the Fall. Whoa! I thought it sounded amazing. After saying this he was like, "Well honey, you could do that and then we could save on birth control too...because I won't be interested anymore." I looked at him very confused for a moment and then I realized that my husband only loves me for my hair.

5. cuddling: So, my dear husband who seemed quite the cuddler before we got married has now disappeared. Sadness. However, I discovered the reason for this one day. One morning as we were walking to the bus stop he turned to me and said, "I tried to cuddle with you last night while you were asleep. I don't know what happened but you started snoring. As soon as I stopped cuddling with you then the snoring stopped." Hmmmm....

So yes, just a few awkward things but let's face it, this is basically my entire life...Awkwardness....

Chicken therapy

2008-07-12T09:58:00.002-06:00

One of the things that I'm most afraid of in this world is raw meat. I know that it sounds ridiculous but it kind of grosses me out...to a ridiculous extent. In reality once I actually bring myself to touch it then it's not so bad but I feel like getting me to that point is worse than getting my dog to take a bath.

This weekend Bran and I decided to hold a dinner party with all of the extravagence we could muster. As part of this plan Bran decided we could make Lemon Chicken. The recipe sounds delicious, but does require that you actually touch the nasty, dead flesh of another animal. Gross!

First of all we should awknowledge that one of the ways in the past that I showed boys that I liked them was by making them something with meat in it...raw meat that had to be touched and then cooked. I don't think most of them ever knew what this meant for me but nonetheless, I did it.

As Bran was preparing our dinner for tonight I realized that my deciding not to not touch the chicken was actually me saying that I obviously didn't love him. Ridiculous but it went through my head. So, in order to show him how much I loved him I underwent "Chicken Therapy". Not only did I touch the nasty suckers but I even put them in bags and touched over 10 pieces. This is some kind of personal record. There you go. I love my husband enough to touch raw chicken. Maybe not enough to think about doing it for an extended amount of time but we have many years for that love to grow, or so I've been told.

Between sleep and awake

2008-07-12T07:04:00.004-06:00

The other day that cute little boy that I married and I fell asleep on the living room floor while watching a movie. Falling asleep on the floor isn't quite so unpleasant if it's next to the one you love. However, I woke up to find myself very alone on said floor. I went into the bedroom and found my hubby asleep on the bed. Feeling very hurt that I would be abandoned to fight off any monsters on my own I roused him and asked him why he abandoned me. His reply was "Honey, I really don't know what I'm doing when I'm half asleep."

My reaction was kind of ridiculous. I got ready for bed and with emotional tears running down my face I asked him if he still loved me. He replied, "I'm not really sure. When I'm half asleep I think about filing cabinets and piles of paper. Honey, it's late. Just go to sleep."

I was mortified. My husband first abandons me on a cold, hard floor and then doesn't tell me that he loves me! Having only been married for two weeks this was remarkably disturbing. I somehow managed to fall asleep in spite of my worrying and hurt feelings.

The next morning I awoke and asked my husband what had happened the night before. He had very little recolection of what had occured the previous night. His response was, "Ummm, something about filing cabinets."

My conclusion is that a)He really does have no idea what goes on his sleep. He even wrote about it on his blog and b)I have no emotional logic while in half-awake land. So, we're a couple of ridiculous sleepers. That's all.

Adventures with Dollar stores

2008-07-05T23:04:00.002-06:00

So today my husband, his two younger sisters and I headed out to run some errands. Upon leaving our first destination one of his sisters spotted the adjacent dollar store and asked if we could run inside quickly. Now, first of all, let us acknowledge that back home dollar stores contained nothing more than cheap cologne and candy you probably could buy for $0.50 at the store next door. However, I discovered that dollar stores in Utah are far superior. You wouldn't believe what you can find there! Here is a list of what I found was the most intriguing:

1. Tax software--you can buy a CD claiming to help you file your taxes. I'm not sure about everyone else but when I think of filing my taxes I think that one could either a)care about them so much that they hire out a very expensive little accountant/tax firm to do them in the hope that they get back large sums of money from the government or b)file them for free online. Either way, I think that whoever is marketing dollar store tax software is most likely robbing people of a precious dollar or causing major confusion in the world.

2. Pregnancy tests--Ummmm, let's talk about how much I would like to rely on a test that cost less than a Snickers bar to tell me that my entire life was about to change...

3. Religion--Not only can one buy religious books but one can buy DVDs and even more computer software teaching children Bible stories. Granted, they're probably about as correct as all those Living Scripture renditions but I still wonder that if people wanted to buy religion, wouldn't you want to buy a little higher in the world than Dollar Plus? Hmmmm, just wondering.

Along with all of these perplexing purchases one could make we also found some of the most silliest kitchen supplies we had ever seen. Awkward thing was, it all looked very familiar. It was at this point that we realized that the strange turquoise spatulas and spoons were from no where else but the dollar store. Let's hope that they fare a little better than what I imagine the pregnancy to do...

We wouldn't want you to know who is happy...

2008-06-03T21:52:00.002-06:00

So, the other day Bran and I got our first "Congratulations" card. How wonderful! It makes our marriage so surely official. The only thing is that this person obviously wanted to make sure that we didn't know that it was them that was happy. I wonder if it is an anonymous lover who shutters to confess their true feelings or perhaps some person who is very angry and bitter about yet another happy couple uniting in matrimony. In any case, the card was sent to us without a return address and most awkwardly, without any sort of signature to recognize as the sender of such a wonderful greeting. Awkwardness abounds. But, well, that is our lives. It seems so apropos, don't you think?

The "It's not my job award"

2008-05-19T19:17:00.003-06:00

So, I work in an office that services hundreds of thousands of distance education students. One of the most blessed things I get to do during my ever-so-exciting work day is call lots of people at schools. The one thing that I find is almost universal for each of these phone calls is that on the other end of the line there will always be a transfer-happy secretary. The funny thing is, normally I just need to talk to them. Everyone seems so eager to pass the buck on to someone else. Here is an ode to the transfer-happy secretary:

Oh my friend, the one I need,
The one I need to speak with, you see.
That is you, none other can fulfill my desire.
Please do not push me aside
or toss me from side to side.
Simply talk to me, listen to me
Let me say a word
Before you shut me out of your life forever.
For chances are, I shall have to entreat you once again.
Day after day I shall call after thee
Until my quest is complete.
Please make my life rich, beautiful, and serene
By simply listening to me before saying,
"Let me transfer you!!!"

So near and yet so far

2008-05-12T19:14:00.003-06:00

So most of you know, or at least should know by now, that Bran and I are getting married quite soon, though not soon enough. For the most part things are coming together quite well. However, through this whole process I've discovered that weddings and all of the hullabaloo that accompanies them are largely for parents and friends rather than for the bride and groom themselves. I mean, seriously. A humongous cake that probably tastes terrible? Who really wants that? The thing that is the most confusing to me is that parents teach us to be frugal and then we waste money on a dress that is only worn once. And a bunch of pretend flowers that only end up in the garbage can hours later. Such a silly thing these weddings are. So yes, just a couple thoughts on weddings...

Freedom

2008-04-23T07:38:00.002-06:00

As of 3:45 on Tuesday April 21, 2008 my life became better as I completed my last final for 8 months. Wahoo! I've been going to school for two straight years and it's about time that this little red-head have a break. In order to celebrate such a wonderful occasion Bran and I decided to have a little party. Brownies were made, a movie chosen, and a fantastic little room on campus with a big screen was acquired. We were most excited for our little adventure into freedom. We got ourselves up to our little room and all set up when (dun dun dun) the security man came. I guess we didn't have access to the room after midnight even though the library was open until 2am. Hmmm, rather unfortunate.

So, we got kicked out back to our homes. As it was after midnight we knew we could not venture into our homes to celebrate as we are strict curfew livers so we sat out on my front doorstep contemplating what should be done. Soooo, if any of you know me you understand that the minute I'm tired I can fall asleep just about anywhere. This has occurred in at least more than one awkward situation. Once upon a time (meaning most days of my life) I fell asleep in class. I've even fallen asleep as someone was kissing me. This is all very, very awkward. Well, this night of freedom is no exception. I found myself sprawled down our porch stairs and Bran telling me that I should to go to bed. The other unfortunate thing about this sleeping issues is that I don't ever want to go to sleep so I try to defy the odds, only to fall asleep a few moments later. So yes, that was the night of freedom. Me, falling asleep on stairs, in yet another awkward situation. I might as well have been in class because the back of my eyelids look the same no matter where I am.

The Moment of Truth

2008-04-12T01:58:00.002-06:00

The other day my dear fiancé informed me that it was now time for me to meet a very important person in his life--Grandma'nette. I guess she was a math teacher who became a good friend when he was in high school. Thing is, I guess his roommate, Xister, is also good friends with Grandma'nette. In order to afford themselves another exciting scheme, my Bran Muffin and Xister decided it would be fun to go and visit said Grandma'nette and have her choose which of the two she believed I was about to marry.

We arrived at the high school quite early in the morning. The smell of insecurity is strong at any high school but I had forgotten about that until we entered through those doors into the hallowed hall of learning. Bran Muffin and Xister led the way through the halls until we arrived at Grandma'nette's classroom. I waited outside while they made small talk with her. I was then called into the classroom. Xister's face was beaming, Bran Muffin was decidedly casual. They explained to Grandma'nette that I was to marry one of them. Which one was it? She gave them a silly look, laughed, and picked Xister. Hmmmmm. That was very silly. They informed her that actually Bran Muffin was the one who was to marry me. She laughed and said her congratulations. This experiment was repeated (I learned in Statistics that this is very important--duplication) with another math teacher, Cousin Carol. The results were the same. My Bran Muffin and Xister were indeed successful in fooling such sweet, kind ladies.

The experiment ended and though the kindly math teachers were fooled I am marrying that Bran Muffin fellow. I really like him so this is a good thing. I like Xister too but I think he thinks I'm weird. He should, because I am.

We're engaged!

2008-04-09T16:45:00.002-06:00

Okay, so this is basically the silliest proposal story ever and it totally involves me so I think you should check it out. I would write my own, but why mess with fantastic writing?

http://branmuff.blogspot.com/2008/04/near-romantic-catastrophe-or-perhaps.html

Have fun!

Oh, and I love that fellow. Just so you all know :)

Divorcing myself from the HFAC

2008-03-25T21:31:00.002-06:00

After reading Bran Muffin's post about idols I was inspired to reflect back on my life this last semester. Most of you know that I'm a music major and once upon the time I was the worst kind, the one who never, ever left the HFAC (performing arts building). Every single one of my classes was in this building, with the exception of the occasional language course, and I spent hours every day in rehearsal or practicing. I considered my rehearsal time with SINGERS to be my "social" time. I usually ate there and even slept there on occasion (not over night of course but between classes).

However, I seem to have changed my ways, some for the best and others maybe not... For one, I hardly practice voice anymore and for the most part with positive results. In the dress rehearsal for my recital my voice teacher asked me what my practice habits had been like lately. I came up with a non-answer answer with which she replied that I was sounding the best I had ever sounded and that whatever I was doing was working very well. Funny thing is I had hardly practiced at all that week. Also, other voice teachers have been commenting lately on how well I'm doing and I even got a lead in the Spring Opera! So, basically what I'm saying is that not practicing hasn't been such a bad thing after all.

Now, on the contrary, I'm a terrible piano player. I am supposed to practice something like 60 hours before the end of the semester which is in three weeks. Somehow I haven't managed to practice even ten hours yet, and it shows. Boy does it show... So yes, that could definitely be improved.

What has caused such a shift? I chalk it up to a few things. At first it was getting ready for a mission. I believed that taking care of mission preparation was much more important than practicing. Then it became other classes and those ridiculous 20 credits. Then there was a cute boy and he's just so much more fun than practice rooms. So, basically what I'm saying is that I'm a horrible musician but I think I like life better this way, but it would be much better if someone could destroy all the pianos in the world for at least three weeks until the end of the semester.

Passing of time

2008-03-20T00:32:00.002-06:00

Ever since I was a little girl I noticed that some things just seem to take longer than others. For instance, waiting at the doctor's office when I had an ear infection (for some reason I seemed to get one almost once a month as a child. I was ridiculous, I know) took at least ten times as long as watching an episode of "Care Bears". However, the wait was about five minutes and the journey with my fluffy, caring friends was in reality six times as long. The secret of course is that I liked Care Bears while I hated the doctor. I think the same thing can be said about German class and just about anything else in the world. Not to say that I hate German but there are lots of similarities between German class and that doctor from my childhood.

1. Both inflict pain. Yep, that's right. Every day there is the possibility of a "stichprobe". In English this roughly translates to "poke practice" making it sound like someone is going to attack me with sharp finger nails every time I say something wrong. It really is one of those daily quizzes with the possibility to be humiliated in front of one's classmates in order to convince one to study every day. It's mostly motivating. Motivation out of terror, now that's fantastic!

2. I loathe both of them. Actually, I might like the doctor more than I like German class mainly because I know that the doctor has a possibility of being useful but for reals, when in the world is my life going to depend on me knowing German? Maybe I shouldn't really ask that question but point is...useless!

3. Both seem to suspend time in order to prolong the agony. As I already mentioned, waiting in the doctor's office as a child seemed to take forever but nothing takes longer than the last fifteen minutes of German class. NOTHING! I sat and watched the clock, gleefully anticipating the moment when I could leave the potentially abusive and humiliating situation that is my German life, but I do not believe five minutes has ever taken so long in the history of mankind.

So yes, there it is, my German experience. Hopefully no one from class sees this and tells my teacher. That would probably be not so good...

Sleep

2008-03-11T01:25:00.002-06:00

Just a few thoughts on sleep... I don't do it anymore. I'm probably going to die some premature death because of it but somewhere this semester I just decided it wasn't very important anymore. I think some of it has to do with a cute Bran Muffin coming into my life. We like to talk and play until the last minute and then, when we've parted ways, I still do not sleep. Instead I do anything but seeking solace and rest. I do homework, chat online, or do just about anything but sleep. What a silly girl I am.

A normal journal entry

2008-03-06T02:07:00.003-07:00

I've never been incredibly amazing at journal keeping. It's one of the topics when addressed in church fills me with this grand desire to change so I go home, pull out my journal, and then proceed to catch up on weeks of wonderful opportunities or life-altering experiences and thoughts. Then I forget about it for another few weeks until reminded of my weakness once again. So, basically that is what I'm doing right now because I've been terrible at keeping up on my blog writing. Bran Muffin gave me some great ideas for things I should talk about so here goes!

First of all, I managed to survive the plague this last month. I seriously was on the verge of death but with lots of sleeping (and therefore missed classes) and aspirin I was able to survive to pass along the plague to other unsuspecting healthy victims.

Then came opera scenes. Basically, well, they're over! Yay! Now I've had time to work on my recital repertoire and presumably devote more of my life to my studies. Hah!

Next we come to the reason for my lack of studying...a cute boy. I know, it's classic. But he's just so cute and way more fun to talk to than my Stats homework. Oh, and he plays with my hair which is a definitely amazing thing. He's pretty fantastic. I'm sure most of you have heard me talk about him but if not, just ask. I'll rant and rave for a while :)

Lastly, I'm getting ready for lots of cool summer program-ness. This summer I may be going to Nashville, TN to attend the NATS Conference (National Association of Teachers of Singing) as well as a two week program in Washington D.C. for pre- and emerging professional opera singers. So, yes! I have plans for this summer which I find very comforting and very exciting.

So yep. That's it. I like life basically. I'm completely confused in Statistics class. That would be nice to change, but other than that, I report solid happiness.

Until the next moment of repentance, have a wonderful day!

Amy and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad couple of weeks

2008-01-27T09:55:00.000-07:00

So, you know those times when it just seems like one thing after another happens and you wonder what in the world Karma is doing to you? Well, that has been my last two weeks. I mean, nothing outlandishly terrible, just one major inconvenience after another. We'll start with two weeks ago. On Monday of that week my cell phone just decided to up and die. I guess that's not too terrible but I really like to call my mommy sometimes and now that was completely out of the picture for about a week, along with calling anyone else. I don't think we ever realize how much we use those things until they don't work anymore. The next day was Tuesday. I was really excited to be in the Young Artist's competition this year and had been lucky enough to not be one of the unfortunate people who got sick over the break...until a few days beforehand. I was the lucky recipient of laryngitis on the day of the first round of the competition. Yikes! I went to the health center who gave me a humidifier and a steroid to bring down the swelling. I sang that night and it went pretty well but it was by no means my best night ever and so, well, I didn't advance. Oh well, you know, just terrible timing. Then the next day, Wednesday, my brand new, two-day-old ipod was stolen from the HFAC. There went over two hundred dollars down the drain. That's pretty expensive entertainment for such a short amount of time. Things eased off for a few more days. I was still pretty sick so I didn't get to work nearly enough that week so my next paycheck is going to be ridiculously low... This week wasn't too bad except for the greatest blow to my musical self-esteem ever. One of the voice faculty, thinking he was helping, made a comment that set me into multiple bouts of crying sessions. I'm not a huge crier. I mean, it's not impossible for me to cry but it takes something pretty severe when it's dealing with personal matters to make me lose it. This accomplished that on multiple occasions. Wahoo! Now I have about 80 pages of music to memorize by tomorrow that I've only had for less than two weeks and a lecture to prepare for my vocal lit class. Oh what stressful fun. Okay, now, to clarify, I understand this isn't all that terrible. It's just one thing after another and in some ways I'm starting to see how funny it actually is but I'm not quite laughing yet. Hopefully someone will just come and kick me in the knee and Karma will leave me alone for a while

Complete Impulse

2008-01-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

For the most part I consider myself a fairly reserved person, especially when it comes to finances. Now, don't get me wrong, I spend money on frivolities and such just like everyone else but normally on items such as new paper or maybe an eclectic folder for my music. For example, a few weeks ago I was looking at some high heeled shoes for a competition I have coming up and decided I needed some more time to think about it so I left them for a few weeks, assessed how I felt about them, and then purchased them after sufficient time to make up my mind. However, the other day during a split second of insanity I bought an ipod. An ipod! What was going through my head at the time is still unbeknown to me. I was telling my friend at work that I would like one and then accessed the apple website to look at them and then two clicks of a button later there was a tracking number and an email to inform me my new music-holding companion would be arriving at my house in a matter of days. What in the world had I done!? Even worse, I had been playing around in the personalizing section and had my name engraved on it...so now it is not returnable. There went my new recital dress. Please no one presume this is normal. I promise to return to my completely sane self sometime soon. In the mean time I have hidden my debit card from myself, or at least I should...

The fish killer

2008-01-06T00:30:00.000-07:00

I consider myself to be a pretty good person. Good people are good with animals, at least that's how it always seems. Take Snow White and Cinderella for example. All beautiful princesses have animals as their friends... Unfortunately, I'm starting to question my "good person" status as I sit and watch the poor little fish in my apartment aquarium die off one at a time. We had one fish die, Colossus, about a month ago. It seemed that old age and continuous failed attempts to jump out of the tank were to blame. This did not seem unreasonable as we all are part of the great circle of life and it was simply Colossus' time to enter that grand ocean in the sky. Then everything went awry. Electra, one of the minnows, died about a week ago. Once again we came upon a logical solution. We assumed it was simply that she didn't get enough food. It was sad to have our favorite minnow died, but as an apartment we moved on. Then yesterday Night Crawler passed away. That was it! We had no more explanations. Three fish in less than a month without any history of fish mortality in our aquarium?! That's ridiculous! Come to find out after talking with my dear friend, who manages to be an expert in all things aquarium, the culprit was simple to find: poor water quality and the possibility of a disease. I had just added a new fish, Witchitilaki, to the tank about two weeks ago. I was ashamed to know that it was all my fault such a thing was occurring. It reminded me of about a year ago when my poor Beta fish, Marvin, jumped into the garbage disposal while I was cleaning out his tank. It was beyond tragic. Could life really be that terrible for a fish to merit jumping into a cold, dark void? Even worse is reliving the tragedy over again. This morning when I woke up the last three goldfish had passed away in the middle of the night. I am a fish killer. Fish killers are not good people.

The quest for dangly earrings

2007-12-29T19:51:00.001-07:00

So today my mum and I went shopping. I'm not a huge shopper. I guess that's surprising because, well, I'm a girl. I just hate going to a place where I know the purpose is to spend money that quite frankly, I don't have to spend. It also makes me remarkably tired. I mean, I can run for miles on end or play a pretty good game of Ultimate Frisbee but get me into a mall and I'm suddenly about to fall over with exhaustion. However, today I braved the impersonal crowds of other clamoring post-holiday shoppers in search for one thing: dangly earrings. I have a friend at work who told me that perhaps that is one of the secrets to having men fall madly in love with you. Something about the way they frame your face? I'm not really quite sure, but I do know one thing...parents will do anything to help you get married off. All I did was tell my dear mother that I wanted to get some earrings for the sole purpose of attracting a man and a time was set to leave our small farming town and drive to the nearest mall. Once we arrived I was able to finagle a few pairs of warm tights and a pair of snow worthy dress shoes for when I go back to Provo. However, most intriguing to me is the fact that my mother would be willing to pay out for such a frivolous things as the aforementioned dangly earrings.

I began to think of other things that I could gain in my quest for a man. I mean, if it works then perhaps I should figure out how to take advantage of it, eh? The only problem is that I am not really sure which female wiles are most useful in the attracting of men. This knowledge could be incredibly useful. Tinkling ornaments and bells? "Cauls and round tires like the moon"? Obviously I lack that knowledge or I would not be wondering. In the meantime I guess I have some fun earrings and an ever increasing knowledge of my parents desire to help me in the quest for the ever allusive "Eternal Companion".

Juggling

2007-12-26T20:52:00.001-07:00

In preparing for next semester I have begun to make mental lists of all that will be occurring over the coming 4 months. The result--near mental break down. Why is it that at least one semester out of every year I decide that I really can handle it all? Who knows. Well, now I've done it again and I would like to share with you all my upcoming semester. You probably don't really care but if nothing else I have it in print and it's available for all of you to chastise me for "running faster than I have strength" or reminding me that I don't really have to do it all. So, here she is:
Voice lessons: at least 9 hours of practicing every week on top of the hour voice lesson and the hour master class. Let's not even consider the many hours of looking for music or avoiding anything that has to do with practicing
Piano lessons: at least 6 hours of practicing every week. This is my "second" instrument and well, in my case, that means I'm terrible so we may have to increase that time to fit personal weaknesses
at least two voice competitions: Young Artist of Voice and the Regional NATS competition
work: I work at the unholy hour of 6am every weekday to create a grand total of 20 hours per week
My Recital: wahoo! I'm sure I will be updating you all time after time to remind you to join this blessed occasion.
18 credits: this is going to be the clincher. Basically I plan to have a love affair with the library this coming semester. I will have nine, count them, nine registered classes. Besides hating my life, this sounds like a great idea.
Running/Training: I had this great idea a couple years ago to run a half-marathon. Well, I've finally decided to make it happen. I'm going to run one for reals this time but I'll start with the 10K Rex Lee Run at the end of the semester. So, I will be training for that as well.
Opera Scenes: I will work with a group of other students to put on scene(s) from Puccini, Verdi, and Donizetti operas. So, even more music to learn.
Choirs: BYU Singers basically takes over my life. We will have a myriad of concerts this coming semester along with a television broadcast recording, a recording with composer Eric Whitacre and preparations for our tour at the end of the semester. I may also be singing with Deseret Chamber Singers if auditions go well :)
My Honor's Thesis: supposedly I've been working on this for a while but, well, I haven't. This semester I need to get some stinkin' good background research done as well as apply for funding. Fun stuff. Oh, and I need human subjects...any volunteers?
Mission prep/summer program prep: I'm not exactly sure what's going to happen here but basically I will either be getting ready to leave on a mission this semester OR getting ready to participate in some crazy-good yet far too expensive summer internship program for voice. So yes, one more thing.

Now that I have done this I'm not really sure that I feel any better. Well, yes, I do feel better. If nothing else, it is now displayed in a prettier format that my college-ruled piece of paper. Thank you for indulging me.

Yes, I am intelligent!

2007-12-25T14:26:00.000-07:00

It has always been on of my primary goals in life to convince inhabitants of the world that I am far superior in intelligence. Now this goal has been realized and confirmed in the world of cyberspace with some online application. You may see the proof below:

Cash Advance Loans

The purpose of a blog

2007-12-25T12:57:00.000-07:00

I feel this is much like the ill-prepared person who gets up in Sacrament meeting and says "The Bishop asked me to speak on such and such, on such and such a date, under such and such circumstances...." As I write my first blog post of my entire life I contemplate the meaning of such a thing. Why is it that blogs were created in the first place? I have compiled a few conclusions. 1) Some poor, forgotten middle child felt the need to be heard. No one listened to them so they created a way to post their ideas online. This grandly follows the trend of most of our lives being taken from the here and now in the real world to being placed online. Dating occurs online. Our identity is created online--Thank you Facebook, you created the person that I am. And now, our ideas are online. 2) Networking. As a musician I often worry about how I come across to "my public" :) This is one way to be captured eloquently and hopefully have my name passed along to someone else who would like to pay me a fantastic $10 to sing 20 hours of music for them. I'm sure there are others who have had similar thoughts. 3) Dating. I attend BYU. I understand that all things in life lead back to the search for that one and only eternal companion. As all things in life come back to this, why not create yet another way to attract that one true love? It only seems to make sense to me. So there they are, all the solutions I could muster at this point in my blogging life. Perhaps I shall evolve in the use of said medium of communication and find within more treasures. In the meantime I shall post pretty pictures and call everything good.