I was looking at my wedding ring today and I thought about all of the things that it symbolized to me. The normal thoughts of commitment, love, excitement, and the prospect of a happy life together were of course in the mix. And then there were thoughts of why I have my particular wedding ring and I realized that it symbolizes even more to me. It symbolizes our quest to live within our means, to give without grandiose expectations, and to live practical lives.
I think most single girls think about what they want their engagement ring to look like. How big, how small, how ornate, how simple, etc and I was no different. Here were some of the things that were really important to me:
- I wanted my ring to be a gift. I know the current fashion is to have to-be-engaged couples to go together to look at engagement rings and I think that's totally fine. But I really did want the old-fashioned surprise. I knew the kinds of things I liked (and of course, Brennan wanted to know) but I didn't want to be the one to actually pick it out.
- I wanted it to be affordable. Maybe if I had gotten married later in life I would have enjoyed a larger ring, but we were getting married in college and both of us were paying for college without financial help from our parents. I told Brennan up front that I didn't want him to even think about financing a ring. First of all, it wasn't on the list of things that the Brethren have deemed as something it was okay to go into debt for. I also, quite frankly, didn't want to get into a marriage with a ring that wasn't really mine. You know?
- I didn't want pokies. Maybe this part is gross, but I'd heard stories of moms changing poopy diapers and getting poo in the prongs, or scratching their kid's head when they went to pick them up, and guy after guy told me they didn't like how their wife's ring poked them when they held hands. I really like hand holding so I didn't want to attack my husband every time he reached to grab mine.
- I liked yellow gold. I know white gold is more in style, but I really liked the classic look of yellow gold and being a red head, white gold and I don't suit each other very well. It just washes me out. Plus, I absolutely love how the contrast of yellow gold makes a diamond stand out and shimmer. I just love shimmering!
- I wanted something practical. Something that I didn't have to take off every time I showered, went to bed, or whatever. Ease, please.
And so, my sweetheart went on a quest for a ring. And this is what he got:
And I absolutely love it. He did a good job, didn't he? Nearly four years later and I'm still in love with this sweet, precious gift from the man I love more than anything in the world. Thanks sweetie!
6 comments:
Isn't it funny how we all love what we have? I am also a redhead (as, of course, you know) and I wanted the white gold. I think it's really about what makes you feel special, what you can afford, and what your personal style is. You are not flashy, so your ring is not flashy. That doesn't necessarily make you more frugal or sensible, it just reflects your style. I, however, like some bling, so BLING it was for me!!
I don't take it off when I shower or clean, and nothing gets in it when I change Eddie's diaper. Sure it gets mineral crud in it over time, but then you pop it into your handy dandy at-home ring cleaner solution, and voila! it's clean and shiny again.
Just because a girl wants a ring that is prong-set, and stands up off her finger doesn't mean she doesn't also value smart money choices- different couples have different value systems of what is important to them to spend money on.
For example, my brother recently got engaged and married. He felt it was a matter of honor to give her a very nice, real diamond ring, even if he had to finance it, in order to feel like he was doing the thing properly, and for her sake, so she felt like she had a real ring. I don't know what they spent, but I'm sure it was reasonable. To them, it was appropriate to invest in diamonds and gold to symbolize his commitment, and because he wanted her to have a really nice ring on her finger.
I think that in the end, there is no right or wrong, but just what a couple agrees is mutually important to them.
I think you're totally right, Caitlin. Everyone has different values and I'm not going to suggest for a second that our choices are, or should be, the same as other people's choices. I'm just waxing philosophical about how my ring was just perfect for me and for our time in life! As for financing a ring, that's everyone's personal decision. For us, we decided it wasn't worth it. It wasn't on the "house, first modest vehicle, or education" list, so we didn't consider it something that we should go into debt for. I didn't care if mine was a CZ or a real diamond, but buying a real diamond meant a lot to Brennan so he chose to do so. He just made sure it was smaller so it was within his budget.
Also, I really do like big diamonds. I think they're beautiful! I wouldn't suggest for a moment that someone NOT have a large ring, especially if they can afford it. We just weren't in a place to be doing that. Maybe when we're a bit older and more financially stable that will be something we can enjoy. But I'll always love my ring!
I enjoyed your post, Amy. I had flash backs to 8 years ago (yup, 8 in 12 days!) when we were getting engaged and I was only 18. I had this same conversation with Brad. And now, even with our budget probably changing in the future, I made Brad promise over and over to never ever get me a different ring. My ring symbolizes so much and it wouldnt matter if we could afford 5 carats; I want to keep my original ring. So many doctors wives "upgrade" and I've made it very clear to him that I'm simply not interested.
Did Jamie instill in you the fear of poop in your ring? Because I swear that was all she would talk about when Daryl & I were looking for a ring. Probably not the ONLY thing she mentioned, but it's all that I remember in my old age.
I also love my ring and think that it's absolutely perfect for me. Sometimes I have nightmares about losing my ring if the house catches on fire in the middle of the night and I can't grab the ring and the babe (House fires are my irrational fear)since I can't sleep with it on my finger. It does come down to just a possession, but it's got to be my favorite material object in the whole world.
8 years Erica?! You old fart. Oh wait, I was there. Never mind. =o)
Oh Erica, I'm right there with you. I love sparkles and definitely wouldn't mind more in my life someday. But as for that ring finger...well, it already has its friend and I wouldn't trade or "upgrade" for all the shiny things in the world.
When commutergirl and I went ring shopping, we wandered all over town, all day, until we finally went to a store at the mall that was having a sale. She saw this one ring and just started doing the happy dance. And that was that. It didn't hurt that the ring she wanted was 40% off, either.
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